My Story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Juiceh, Jul 10, 2012.

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  1. Juiceh

    Juiceh Member

    I am 17 years old.

    I have everything that a teenage boy could ask for. Anything materialistic would be in my grasp instantly should I make my request known to my parents. I have the best parents in the entire world. They love me excessively and dote on me everyday. I have played the violin since 5, and my academic grades were a little bit above average. I used to study in Singapore until I was 15, when I changed to an Australian private school.

    In short, I'm just like everyone else. However, two months ago, I was diagnosed with depression by a child psychiatrist. I was put on Zoloft and Melatonin for sleep problems. As the school holidays crept closer, I was looking forward to returning home. Two weeks in the holidays now, and instead of improving, I am once again feeling suicidal. Life is just meaningless. It is the endless cycle of waking up for school, waiting for dismissal and then preparing for the next day. I assume the similar for adults. You wake up to go to work, only to wait to get off. I have had the perfect life, but there is always something missing. Due to depression, I have slowly left all of my friends behind. We no longer communicate. Needless to say, I loss weight rather dramatically.

    I am planning to either go for <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> this Saturday. I don't know if I'll succeed or not. I don't care. I know about the 'pain' that I'll leave behind. Yes, I am selfish, for once. My parents and the few friends that I have will get over it. No one wants to hear me out, and perhaps in this forum, someone will take note of my story.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2012
  2. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    Dear Jeremy,

    Though life seems like it is meaningless to you right now, that does not have to be the case for ever. There is so much good in life that you have yet to experience. DonĀ“t give up on life yet. Allow yourself some time, talk to someone you trust about this. Your parents will never get over losing you, both your parents and your friends will blame themselves for not seeing the signs. It will destroy lives.

    Suicide might seem like a solution, but it will solve nothing, as you will no longer have a life to solve. I know it is hard to see a way out of your depression now. But Jeremy, give life a chance to surprise you. Things do get better!
  3. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Jeremey, listen to me, sweets, your parents will not get over it - can you imagine how devastated your parents would be? No, you can't. I lost someone to suicide and it's part of the collection of crap as to why I'm the way I am today. I will never stop thinking that there was something I could have done or said to throw them a lifeline. It's extremely traumatic and I will also say that it's horrible for a parent to lose a child, you never get over that, you don't.

    Listen, there are different types of depression and what it sounds like is that you have a chemical imbalance, which is why you feel the way you do. It just happens with some of us, and actually I will say that you aren't on the right medication. If you are on Zoloft, it's possible that it is the reason you're still feeling suicidal because Zoloft did the same thing to me, in fact worse. You should go to your parents and tell them what you're feeling so that they can have the doctor adjust your medication to something different. Zoloft has been linked to plenty of suicides in teenagers and I frankly, don't think it should be used in someone under 18, but that's just my personal feelings.

    You are young and once you level out the chemicals in your brain, you'd be amazed. I was on all types of meds and I swore I would never get better, but they finally got it to where it was perfect. Meds should not have you feeling suicidal, a mindless drone or part fo the walking dead. Also, don't believe that madness that it takes three weeks to level out. The doctors want you to take meds because that's what the pharmaceutical industry pays them to do. It's easy to give you a pill and say "hey get used to it," because they won't have to do that much work. I finally found a great doctor who allowed me to choose the meds and he promised to work with me. They put me on Cymbalta and after two days I felt great again. My depression is linked to a chemical imbalance and I also have much deeper issues; however, at least I got my body to feel good and after feeling like crap for several years, it was a wonderful feeling.

    Being that you have this condition, you will have to take responsibility for it, just like a child who has diabetes have to take responsibility for their condition by eating the right foods and taking their meds. You don't have to be a weed swaying whichever way the wind takes you because you have an illness and that illness makes you feel like killing yourself. That doesn't mean you should just say "okay, I'll do whatever you say." If I came to you and told you to stab yourself with a knife, would you do it? No, you'd say I was crazy. So you need to turn to your body and those urges and say the same thing. "I'm not going to do what you say."

    Trust me, I know what a horrible feeling you have, but when you realize that it isn't you personally and that there's something wrong with your body, you're able to take a more proactive role to doing something about it. If you look at me, someone who felt born in the wrong place, at the wrong time, rejected over and over, believe me, it's been a long fight for me because I'm almost 50 now, but it's because of my family that I fight. No matter how awful I feel, I would never put them through what the deaths of other people have put me through.

    So think on that. You're young and you have a chance to find the right meds and get yourself together. There's a lot wrong with this world, but we did agree to come here for a reason, and one day you may be typing these words to someone who really matters to you and you'll be able to share with them how you pulled yourself through.

    Bless you.
  4. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Why are you depressed? You said life seems meaningless. Does that mean you have no desires at all? What do you want to do that your parents do not want you to do?
  5. Looser

    Looser Account Closed

    Hey dude you are just 17, a hell lot of a time remains just try out for few more years, coz after death there is no tomorrow.
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    My son did this and we lost him. I wanted to post not to argue about why you should be strong and continue on, as you're still too young (not even an adult yet), but I won't do that. Only YOU can become strong enough to fight for life. It's not about how other people can help, it is all almost always about how you can help yourself.

    What I am here to say is that your statement above is wrong. You may be guessing, but I have proof and no reason to lie as a parent. Parents can NEVER get over this. Never. My son might as well have taken me with him. BUT... life must go on. It is the one thing you cannot discard and then later have back. You can always lose and then regain or replace items, money, looks, and love... but there is only one life each of us can live.
  7. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    You should really talk to tour doctor about your dosage. I'm 17 also and on Zoloft too. It took me months and the max dosage to start to few better. Meds are also not the only solution. You have to work with the meds in order to feel better. How long have you been on the Zoloft?
  8. Juiceh

    Juiceh Member

    I've been on Zoloft for around a month and a half now; tomorrow's Saturday. I don't know if I'm going to go through with what I planned earlier.

    WldHair - I have lost, indeed, quite a few kilograms due to lost of appetite. I can totally feel my ribs now but I just can't get the any foods inside me...
  9. Juiceh

    Juiceh Member

    In fact, if anyone is still here, I'm only alive now because I'm afraid of the possible afterlife. Is there a hell? Heaven?

    It is the one thing that is stopping me. I've been reading up on NDE's and I really feel like taking that extra dosage.
  10. tykata

    tykata Member

    Hi Jeremy, I'm glad you came here, though I wish we could have met you in better circumstances. I urge you to do what you can to get through this difficult episode. It well may be as said that the anti-depressants you've been prescribed don't agree with your specific neurochemistry, which means your running an uphill struggle. I'm a biochemistry student and the number of different neurotransmitters that different medications work on is extensive it's just finding the right one for you. I get that you may be isolated at the moment from friends and other people in your life as many of us have experienced it, but we're here for support. It does get better, you just need to find the strength to get through this particularly bad episode and I can tell that you have it. Just get through it, an hour at a time, a day, a week and things will get better I promise. I'm Bipolar and I barely survived my most recent attempt at easter (aged 19), the feeling of dying is horrible and something you should avoid at all costs. Now I can honestly say that when I eventually recovered I was relieved to be alive. Things are still tough now and then but with the right coping mechanisms (the correct medication, the people on here, time and understanding) you can get through. We Care. I Care. Take care of yourself
  11. Juiceh

    Juiceh Member

    It's all extremely complicated for me. I am unsure as to whether I should inform my Psychiatrist about the possibly wrong medication as it will lead to my expulsion from the Boarding House overseas (yeah I'm in a boarding school). Thing is, if I keep this under wraps, my life will be back to normal. I will once again be surrounded by friends 24/7 and so on... If my Psych even hears about this... attempt and contacts the school, I'm FINISHED.
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