My story

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by MyNameIsJ, Jul 17, 2012.

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  1. MyNameIsJ

    MyNameIsJ Member

    I'm a young Canadian girl who just wants to make it to her 20th birthday. I really hurt myself last night and I decided to join because I'm really scared that I might not see my 20th. I've been really low lately. My depression and anxiety have been suffocating me to the point where I barely leave my room anymore. I've tried to kill myself multiple times. The first time I tried to die, I was a few weeks away from my 12th birthday.

    I did it because my sister asked me to. Stupid, I know, but I was young. And I really strive towards making people happy. Especially people I care about. The next time I tried, I was 15 years old. My two best friends started to bully me because of a guy. Reeeally stupid. But the reason didn't matter because they were still hurting me. I trusted them, and they betrayed me. Since then, I've thought of suicide every single day. And after losing a lot of family members in a short amount of time, I was pushed over the edge. I haven't really gone into detail with the bullying. But that is the summary of my story anyways.

    I'm severely depressed and incredibly anxious, but if you want to get to know me for some reason, then that's great. I love to meet new people.

    In case anyone's curious, my birthday is in 14 days. If I make it to that date, I'll be incredibly happy.

    Thanks for reading and I hope I didn't upset anyone.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun i hope you continue to talk here and let go of some of the pain and sadness to ok. Are you getting any help for you depression hun depending where you are in Canada there are alot of groups that are run by communities for depression. CAMH in Toronto is a good place to get help too. Lots of caring people here too hun so keep talking ok hugs to you
  3. mike.

    mike. New Member

    I wont do it if you wont do it!
  4. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    hey Girl,

    Why are you putting pressure on yourself to make people happy? That's their job. No one can really make another person happy. If all of us look for the things that make US feel good, it takes a lot of the pressure/weight/burden off.

    There's a lot of kind people here, so put your thoughts out. It helps a lot. Friends are really important. :)
  5. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    You can do it.

    If peer pressure and pleasing people are so important to you, then think of it this way... it would make us all happy if you didn't commit suicide. You don't want to disappoint us, do you? :)

    Welcome to the forum, by the way.
  6. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Heyroo J.

    Just wanted to drop you a line letting you know that I welcome you to the forum too! See you in chat!
  7. MyNameIsJ

    MyNameIsJ Member

    I go to counselling and I'm on medication for my depression and anxiety. I've recently started on it, so I'm trying to get used to it. I appreciate your kindness. Thank you :)
  8. MyNameIsJ

    MyNameIsJ Member

  9. MyNameIsJ

    MyNameIsJ Member

    I've always been that way. After I was bullied, it just got worse. I was convinced that I deserved how they were treating me because it was my fault they were hurting me. They played lots of mind games with me...But I can see your point.

    Yes, I've already met lots of wonderful people. Thanks for the encouragement :)
  10. MyNameIsJ

    MyNameIsJ Member

    I don't know why that would make you happy, but I'll promise to try not to get too tempted. Thanks for the welcome :)
  11. MyNameIsJ

    MyNameIsJ Member

    Thanks for the welcome. See you there :)
  12. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi honey, welcome to SF. We want you to feel loved and accepted, because no one deserves to walk around feeling the way you've described. Even me :)

    It IS possible to coach yourself out of these feelings, by talking to yourself - either out loud when you are alone, or in your head when in company (or if it feels weird to talk out loud to yourself). [It's not that weird at all, because we all have converstions with ourselves inside our heads the whole time, and actually hearing them come in through the ear, can give a new perspective :)

    Tell yourself that your feelings are not reality. And that reality does not = your feelings.

    I know feelings seem real enough, but if we believe they are Reality, we can become sad about our life.

    I've had to learn how to coach myself through suicidal depression, so I know that it is certainly possible. You might not believe it atm - that's OK, perfectly OK - but if you are willing to learn how you can come to believe it is possible, just be open to the idea first of all, and then take it a step at a time, as you find out what Reality looks like, such as:

    "My worth and my value are NOT in other peoples' hands"

    Try that for starters, tell it to yourself over and over. This isn't brain-washing despite your feelings, it's bringing your feelings into line with Reality. If you've lived for as long as you can remember thinking you have to please people to make them happy, before you can be happy yourself - it is time to realise that this isn't so. It is not up to you to dance to other peoples' tunes, honey. (But it does show you have a gentle and loving spirit that you can learn to protect.)

    Please PM me if you'd like to, but if not, that's fine too :) All the best,
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