my struggles

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by squirtle97, Mar 23, 2015.

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  1. squirtle97

    squirtle97 New Member

    im 18 years old i shouldnt be having thoughts like this i dont know what to do or who to talk to i cant get the proper help i need because i cant afford it. it all started when i was younger i was always bullied and no one wanted to be friends with me i was always alone and then when i got friends they always crossed me always. and ive gone through alot of relationships that all ended badly and the blame was always on me always. not only that my father rarely ever acted like i existed never showed support in anything ive ever done and was never there for me same for my mother she was there sometimes but her mind was always elsewhere she never supported anything i did either the only two people in my family who did where my grandpa and my uncle my grandpa died 3 years ago and my uncle lives 3,000+ miles away whom i rarely ever see or talk to and recently i had started dating a girl and on valentines day i had lost my viginity to her keep in mind im 18 and shes 16 her mom just found out a week after we broke up and is threatening to press charges if i so much as speak to my ex girlfriend again im depressed and stressed and im lost i dont know what to do i dont know if i can keep on nothing is ok anymore everyday i wake up with thoughts of killing myself i started drinking and smoking to kill myself when i drive its so reckless and careless i do everything with a slight hope that it will make all my pain end someone help...
     
  2. itsME123

    itsME123 Member

    the only thing I can think of to say is....don't be depressed...just get angry and get a punching bag...put it in your garage and beat it up . the world wont end...think about this now....I am sure the girl is amazing...but if you have to deal with a family like that for the rest of your life?????? trust me you don't want to AND the apple does not fall that far from the tree.....think about that...it might be a blessing. just saying...not trying to make anyone upset...but you are going to have to get all that hurt and anger out...the best advice...just don't take it out on a person or animals.
     
  3. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forum. You'll find a lot of caring people here who are happy to listen without judging you - sounds like you've already had your fair share of blame.

    I'm really sorry to read that your grandpa died but you mention an uncle who has been supportive. Even though he lives 3000 miles away, can you email him when things are especially bad? Ideally you should have a therapist but it sounds like this isn't an option right now. You might try hotlines - they can be a lot of help.

    About your Valentine's Day experience: I am very sorry that something that should have been a joyful event has been overshadowed by the threat of legal action but being a mother of daughters myself, I know how protective we can be. :drama: At least you were already broken up and being told to stay away is not the big sacrifice it might be otherwise. The main thing is: you are really hurting right now and need as much support as you can get.

    About driving recklessly - you probably should rethink this as a way to permanently end your problems. It is far more likely you'll just put yourself in a wheelchair. And you might hurt someone else, which would make you feel terrible. Just something to think about....

    Be gentle with yourself, squirtie97 and keep posting. People here do care.
     
  4. Jericho

    Jericho Well-Known Member

    I just now saw this and am glad that I decided to click it. You have no idea how much I feel for your pain. I myself have gone through some of the worst relationship experiences that I can imagine, so I know the pain and how hard it is to even think about the other person again, let alone the repercussions of doing so.

    My suggestion to you is to avoid actions which will harm you and forget professional help for the time being. I myself am unable to seek professional assistance due to my location and my career circumstances. However, this site alone has provided more emotional support than I imagine any doctor or therapist could have given me. I know life sucks, and I know you are confused at what you should do from here. But just breathe, keep talking to us, and be safe.

    We're always here for you.
     
  5. squirtle97

    squirtle97 New Member

    thank you all so much im on here because im trying to get help it may not be professional but i cant afford it right now and this will do just fine i am honestly a bit taken back as to how many people replied in such a short time and the fact that you all cared enough to reply
     
  6. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Keep writing, squirtie97. People here really do care and I'm glad it's helping. Be sure to check out other people's posts, too. Many of them describe the pain of depression so well, it is like reading our own stories. Helps in knowing we're not alone.
     
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