my stupid and pointless rant

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by John6491, Apr 8, 2007.

  1. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    well just ate out with my mom.sis. and her b/f.... was pointless for me to fucking be there... i didn't say anything and they didn't even notice i was really there so i just ate and kept quiet...
    I dont know why the hell i dont fucking kill myself right now they wont notice and if they do they wont give a shit... only thing they would care about is who gets what (sterio...tv...etc...) fucking hate my family... hate my life... hate my "friends". I hate how i look i hate that i fail at everything i do... and dont tell me to "think positive and you will do better" I cant fucking think positive everything around me is crap so there is no way of me to actually think positive about anything!
    Fuck trying to get better things only get worse for me... i really dont think my mom has that much long to live... would be shocked if she made it to my next b-day :sad: see all i can think about is negative shit... i hate my b-day anyways i dont do anything on them.... fuck i shouldn't even be posting this crap for yall to have to read this shit about some fucked up kid that you really dont give a crap about.... bleh im in a shitty mood... feel like cutting myself to calm down... all ready have i did before i went out to dinner and now i really want to do it again except worse this time.... i just want to make it so i pass out due to the loss of blood... haha im fucked up.... :dry:
     
  2. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    its not stupid or pointless to express what you're feeling. I'm sorry that you felt like you were non existent when you went to dinner with your family tonight. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly.

    Why do you think your mom doesn't have that long to live?

    Cheryl
     
  3. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    She has terminal breast cancer... and she isn't doing good at all right now... :blub:
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sorry you are having such a crappy day John. I know the whole think positive it will be better line doesn't always ring true. I can't pretend that what I have to say will make things better for you. I know it doesn't. I do know that things can be better someday, but that can seem like an eternity from now. I hope you know that we are here for you. To help you through these frustrations. Cutting isn't the answer as you know. Try some of the distractions we discussed. Maybe they will help a little. Thinking about you. :hug:
     
  5. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    Oh John,

    I'm sad to hear about your mom. How are you doing with this?

    Cheryl
     
  6. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    ehh im doing bad.. seeing her getting worse and worse every day...
     
  7. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    wow john...i'm sure that is quite painful... what would you like to see happen between you and your mom before she dies? Is there something you would like her to know about you or is there something you would like to hear from her?

    Cheryl
     
  8. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    i just wish she didn't see me as a constant failure... and thinking that i need to work on my "apperance"
     
  9. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    What do you want her to see in you or about you?