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my stupid rant

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Marathon-Running-Bunny, Jan 14, 2011.

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  1. I am very sorry if you feel so bored reading all my craps here.. I need a space to rant it out or else i will explode.. even though i wanted to pretend i am mentally strong, i was unable to do so today.. I am emotionally down today.. I want to rant rant rant until i feel better..

    <start rant..>

    First and foremost, i am telling you right now, i am NOT suicidal and not going to do anything hamrful or hurtful to myself, because i love myself to bits.. and secondly, i cannot bear to see blood coming out from my body because i will faint upon seeing blood.. and i am also very scared of pain..

    I was not open to my own disability or problems at all.. I was born naturally a severe asthmatic and also a color-blind female (family gene). I am unable to enjoy a good sport during my junior school days because i got tire out easily. I was always away from school because of my asthma. I always end up in the hospital with a mask on my face connected to the nebuliser. I was a low-esteemed and no confidence individual who always envy what others have achieved. I didn't reveal to my parents about my problems because they will make me feel worst. In school, classmates have been calling me name: "dog vision girl" because my vision is just plain black and white and no other colors..
    My father has been idling for the past 11 years and only left my mother to support us. I am still studying and i have been working part-time odd jobs to help my mum ease off her burden on me. I have been constantly training for marathon runs because i am happy that my asthma become mild after i started running and yes, i can run.. Hurray!!.. I was back from normal follow-up from the hospital when my father just burst into my room and wanted me to move out from the house and threatened to sue me if i didn't give them money for old age. I was also being threatened by him that he will use the chooper to chop me up when i fell asleep one day.. I wanted to move out from the house but i am still studying and i have not enough income for the rental fee.. Called my classmate and she made fun of me all over the internet..

    (year 2005 - 2009) Posted a message in one other forum and got the moderator to screw me and put me on suspension for 1 month. Used to work as a global moderator in one of the computer forums and i was so burnout until i attempted 4 times (years ago) of suicide.. requested to quit from the leader board and got my request fulfilled. Posted a message in one of the medical forum and was labelled as " untrustworthy" and a liar by their moderators.. asking me why my story so dramatic and ask me to stop writing role play scripts in their forum.. decided to post message in a forum where people will treat me nicely and seriously but all in all, i didn't get what i want.. 2 weeks later, things got worst because i was invited by another computer forum board to join them as a leader but i don't want.. I want nothing out from all these.. I just want some nice emotional support when i need them.. I don't want any leadership role or anything.. I just want listening ears.. Got the admin in that board to screw me again.. asking me why everyone select me to join them as a global mod and i refused to accept the invitation.. I just got so fedup and i stopped surfing forums until this year (2011)..

    Arggg.... my life is so full of shit and people envy the wrong person (that's me).. i want to sit in a dark corner and weep.. arggg...

    <end of stupid rant>

    **sorry if any of the materials offended anyone.. **:i'm sorry:
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Rant away!! Im listening, and hoping you feel better soon.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sorry that you have had so many troubles.

    I'm a big fan of acupuncture and traditional chinese medicine, and I imagine that Singapore has plenty of this.

    sounds like you really love marathon running, but I would recommend milder exercise. marathon running seems to really harm a lot of people.

    maybe bicycling for a 1/2 hour a day, gently?

    please rant on if you would like!
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Rant as much as you need to. :hug: I can relate to some of what you went through because of your vision. You can PM me anytime if you ever feel like talking.
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