My Stupid Spine!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThePhantomLady, Mar 4, 2016.

  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I just need to ramble and rant. (watch out for triggers, sorry)


    Yes, I had to shout that. My back hurts so bad tonight. I can't get comfortable no matter what I do... nothing is working and I'm losing my mind.

    I suffer from untreated scoliosis, my spine had probably been twisted since birth and has been getting worse as I grew up. When I was about 9 my GP told mum and me that he felt a twist in the lower part of my spine, and if that was giving me pain or got worse I was supposed to come back to get checked for scoliosis and possibly have it treated... Of course it got worse, of course it hurt... but I never got to the doctor.

    I guess my mother didn't want the doctor to see the bruises she left on my body, and perhaps she didn't know which pains I was complaining about... did I even?
    My pains got worse as I got older... it started out with bad knots forming under my shoulder blades that no one could get to because they were hidden by bone...

    I got my actual diagnosis 2 years ago, after having lived several months in horrible pain. I've had back pain most of my life... but in the end of 2013 something happened and it got unbearable.
    I couldn't walk, everything cramped up... I could pretty much just lie in bed and cry, curled up on my side trying to get just a tiny bit more comfortable... searching for things to fill my head with to block out the pain just for a bit.

    Seeing my then personal doctor wasn't too fruitful. He barely believed me. I have always been interested in human anatomy and I was concerned I had a disc that had slipped in my spine. I told my doctor that and he actually laughed. "You're way too young". I've been told that so many times... he put me on the lowest dose of pain medication... and it did nothing for me... every month I came back, almost crying in his office begging him to do something about the pain... He examined my back a few times... which I hated. I am for obvious reasons not comfortable with being touched and being so close to a man. One of the tests included him holding my hips and having me bend over to touch my toes. And I just felt he was standing too close (while perhaps he wasn't... I'm paranoid).
    Way too late he sent me off to get my spine x-rayed... I felt he did that so I would stop asking him. The diagnosis came back 'scoliosis' and from there nothing was really done. I got my dosis raised a bit, to a level that is still not helping me.

    I couldn't afford physiotherapy (here doctors are free, but physio therapy is expensive). But I found a cheap PhysioPilates class and signed up. It was only elderly women there... and then there was me who could barely move. One session I cramped up so bad just by having to lie on my back for a minute. The teacher was a physiotherapist and came running, she felt my spine and told me why I was in pain... at least one of my discs are bulging out of my spine.

    I had to stop taking the classes though, it didn't help me... but I did learn some exercises that can get me out of the worst of the cramps. And I know what is happening...

    I changed doctors... I have seen the new ones a few times about my back (one time because my toes were going numb for a week).

    I have never been given an MRi or any scan to look for the disc and nothing has been done to treat it.

    Last time I saw my doctor about my back she sent me off to a health center where they could help me deal with the chronic pain... there they would rather treat my anxiety (which I am already seeing a therapist for!!!) than help me deal with the pain.

    And honestly... it angers me that we've stopped there. You have scoliosis, perhaps that pushes on a few discs... here, eat some pills. What about checking to see if something else is wrong? I know what an MRi costs (thanks to having worked at a hospital booking countless appointments for kids), but compared to the cost of all the pills I eat... and the fact that I can't find work that is suitable for me (since I am not old enough or have proper proof to be put on disability)... isn't it worth it??

    I forgot to add that I am a big girl, I am trying to lose weight but I'm working against a web of eating disorders and my spine making it impossible to exercise. And that also makes healthcare professionals care less about my symptoms. And I'm not stupid, it makes my pain worse, but if I had a normal weight I would still have pain.
  2. some_random_name

    some_random_name Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear this. I wish I could help you. I wish I could pay for the best medication, the best doctors, and the best treatment. I wish I could but I can't. I'm sorry to even comment and waste your time by reading this. I hope you get better. I don't know if your religious but I'll be praying for you. I know you are in pain and I don't know what it's like to have chronic pain and it may sound stupid to even say this, I'm sorry if I make you mad but think on the bright side at least you are alive and have a boyfriend who loves and cares for you. Oh and I understand what you mean about being uncomfortable around doctors. It sounded kinda creepy him having you do that.

    Best wishes and I hope things get a lot better for you.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thank you so much @some_random_name it means a lot to read your comment, you're always so nice!
    some_random_name likes this.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    ThePhantomLady likes this.