The first time I made a suicide attempt I swallowed a full bottle of <mod edit: details>. This was an impulsive move after dealing with many different mental issues for longer than what I could bear. I downed the pills, closed my eyes and didn't think I'd ever wake up again. But I did. A not so pleasant visit to the hospital and psych ward followed in which I caused a scene at the hospital by screaming at the top of my lungs while ripping needles out of my arm followed by a clever escape from an abusive psychiatric lock down. I've flirted with death plenty of times since. I liked to see how far I could push the limits, and if I went too far i didn't care. <mod edit: details> was the closest I've tasted of death. <mod edit: details> didn't even do it. I am lucky to be here... I think. I have since cleaned up my drug and alcohol problems. Though I still continue to live in severe mental pain I have realized that I may find meaning in life through supporting others who are hurting and offer myself to help in whatever way possible. If you are hurting and want to talk feel free to contact me, I truly know what it's like to be beyond rock bottom.