My therapist died in a motorcycle accident

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by vjred, Aug 1, 2013.

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  1. vjred

    vjred Member

    My therapist died in a motorcycle accident. I have seen him for a over nine years. About 18 months ago I moved 10 hours a way for where I was living. For the first year I drove the 10 hours back and forth to see him. This move has been very hard on me. Tried to find someone out here but it just has not happened. In the last six months we have moved my trips to every other month. (It’s a hard drive) except for June he takes, June off every year to make a cross country bike ride w/friends. A Harley of course. For the third time in also most ten years I needed to move my appt. back a couple of weeks. I called to move the appt. but did not get a call back. (This was July 18th ) In was unlike him not to call me back. I called three times and thought something was wrong.

    Monday morning I got a call from his partner (only saw her in office once) and in the first three words I knew what she was going to say.

    But here it is the end of July and he had died on June 6th. There was an open get together but I didn’t even get the choice to go because no one thought to cancel his appt. and it took Over a month for me to find out he was dead. I hate to think about showing up to his empty office.

    NOW I was going to talk to him about feeling empty, not needed, and invisible. I have also been struggling with crisis of faith that he has been helping me look into myself.

    Having a therapist for that long he becomes more than just this person you pay, He became a friend. I am feeling lost. I can’t stop either crying or sleeping.

    I did all of the filing today so my husband would have it, I wrote down all the needed passwords to pay bills.

    Been I long long time since I have said I’m done. But I’m feeling that calm with the pain that says now. I’m lost. I Can’t and Won’t call a hotline I don’t believe in them anymore. Now when you call they tract your number so it’s not anonymous anymore.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure at all what to say, but.. I want you to know there are people here reading this and care.
  3. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry! And I find it very thoughtless of whoever took care of his things not to let EVERY client know what happened. You were still seeing him. I can't believe they didn't go through his appointment book or files and called every single client of his. I can imagine you feel quite lost over this. Nine years is a long time, you really get to know each other. Having to start over probably feels quite overwhelming.

    I hope you can recover from this. Let the grieving process happen, it's normal. See if you can find some help with this, maybe a loss support group? Or a grief counselor? Please don't do anything rash, I'm sure your therapist wouldn't want you to follow him. I'm sure after nine years he deeply cared about you and would want you to continue the work you two have done so far. I can imagine after all those years you two have accomplished a lot, made progress. If you left now, all his work with you would have been for nothing. I don't think he would want that. (I'm not trying to guilt trip you, I just want you to think about those things.)

    It sounds like you're a woman of faith. Could you maybe look for a minister to talk to to help you through this?
    And have you talked to your husband about what happened and how much it has affected you? I'm sure he would like to know too, so he can support you too (if you haven't already talked to him).

    I hope this helps just a little bit, or even a lot? Stay strong and keep grieving, it's okay! Cry, sleep, be angry, it's all part of the process.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm really sorry! It's so unfair that nobody contacted you to let you know what happened.

    I wish there was something I could say that would help, but just letting you know I'm here and I care.
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Think about how you are feeling with this loss and consider what impact you make upon others. If you can feel like this for a therapist, consider how a husband might feel over a wife. That said, don't go on only for others... but remember that their feelings are directly associated to how much value that you have when you are here. Celebrate your therapist's life by living and by remembering him (your therapist) and make every second count with those who you love - husband, friends, family, children if you have. Life is short as it is. 80 or 90 years in the scheme of things is nothing, and anything shorter is so much less. I hate to quote the AT&T commercial, but more IS better.
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear that.

    you saw each other for so long... it must be hard to get used to
  7. vjred

    vjred Member

    First I wanted to say thank you for all of your kind words.

    I can't seem to get over this lost feeling. Yes I have a loving husband but is a truck driver and only home 1 ½ days a week. Most of my Kids have been grown and gone for a long time. Our last son is 17 and takes great care of himself. (Good Kid) Like I said I'm pretty invisible.

    I didn't cry when my grandmother died and I was close to her and loved her. So I'm very confused.

    I am trying not to make any decisions, but it is hard when nothing feels like anything, not reading, eating, TV, or playing computer games or anything. It's all nothing. I'm confused.

    I have filled my time by getting passwords written down, filing bills and writing out what gets paid when, cleaning up any junk around here. I have to do something.

    How come I can't feel? Do I ever get to feel better? Talking about how bad I feel only makes people uncomfortable.

    Being B-Polar I am used taking meds to feel better but none of them are helpful.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I too am so sorry this has happened. I cannot imagine how painful it is. I agree with those who say that you should have been told of his passing !!!

    You have kids. Please do not take their mom away from them. Even when they are grown up, they still need their mom. And your 17 year old is not really grown up. Right? I know you probably dont want to hear the words I wrote. But I still wanted to say them. Kids deserve to have their mom alive. Even if you think they will be fine without you. Thats the rationalization. I am not saying this to be mean or hurtful. not at all.

    Would it be possible for you to call your family doctor or whomever prescribes your medication so you can get something extra to try to get you through this time of such enormous loss? Because this IS a huge loss.
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