My therapist died in a motorcycle accident. I have seen him for a over nine years. About 18 months ago I moved 10 hours a way for where I was living. For the first year I drove the 10 hours back and forth to see him. This move has been very hard on me. Tried to find someone out here but it just has not happened. In the last six months we have moved my trips to every other month. (It’s a hard drive) except for June he takes, June off every year to make a cross country bike ride w/friends. A Harley of course. For the third time in also most ten years I needed to move my appt. back a couple of weeks. I called to move the appt. but did not get a call back. (This was July 18th ) In was unlike him not to call me back. I called three times and thought something was wrong. Monday morning I got a call from his partner (only saw her in office once) and in the first three words I knew what she was going to say. But here it is the end of July and he had died on June 6th. There was an open get together but I didn’t even get the choice to go because no one thought to cancel his appt. and it took Over a month for me to find out he was dead. I hate to think about showing up to his empty office. NOW I was going to talk to him about feeling empty, not needed, and invisible. I have also been struggling with crisis of faith that he has been helping me look into myself. Having a therapist for that long he becomes more than just this person you pay, He became a friend. I am feeling lost. I can’t stop either crying or sleeping. I did all of the filing today so my husband would have it, I wrote down all the needed passwords to pay bills. Been I long long time since I have said I’m done. But I’m feeling that calm with the pain that says now. I’m lost. I Can’t and Won’t call a hotline I don’t believe in them anymore. Now when you call they tract your number so it’s not anonymous anymore.