My Therapist doesn't know me at all

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by Scum, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Despite seeing each other since early January, twice a week, and me making the biggest effort ever to let her in and trust her.

    Then she says one thing and its clear she doesn't know me at all.

    What's the point?

    There isn't one.
  2. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Well there are two things that you could do.

    1. Get a new therapist. It's important to connect with yours.
    2. Give her the benefit of the doubt if it was only one thing.
    We all make mistakes, it could just be bad thinking on her part. Let her know it bothered you?
  3. funkyfrog

    funkyfrog Member

    Getting a new therapist is not the answer. What you have to understand is that the therapists have to put together a jigsaw puzzle of your head. If you've been seeing each other twice a week since January then you've made a good start on the puzzle and a new therapist is like throwing it all back in the box and starting again. Think of it as her trying to put a piece in upside down or in the wrong place. Like building a jigsaw puzzle, therapy is sometimes trial and error.

    It's very easy when you feel hostile to something like therapy to jump on the first thing that goes wrong and go, "See! See! I told you it wouldn't work!" but you need to give her some more chances. Therapy really does work but you need to give it time. Good luck, feel free to PM me to chat in private if you need to.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Please don't make those judgements on me and presume that that is what I think. I couldn't explain a whole back story, and yes, I shouldn't have posted this thread, I was just upset.

    Things are far more complex than anything I've posted on here may indicate.

    Thanks for the first part of your post, and Mel thanks for your reply too.

    Like I said, I shouldn't have posted. I'm sorry.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You don't have to apologize for posting!! It's okay to get upset, and to post about it.

    A huge part of therapy is being as honest as you can with your therapist. So can you explain to her how her comment made you feel (even if you write it in a letter or something, because I know sometimes writing things out is easier than actually talking).

    You've got feelings, and it's okay to express them.
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thank you WildCherry, you've been really good to me :)

    My therapist called me earlier this evening. She called because I left the session very early, in a bit of a mess and she wanted to check I was safe.

    By then I was calmer and able to actually talk to her. I told her what happened for me and how I felt and why, and she said if I think rationally I know how well she knows me (which right now I don't, but that's a different issue). She said that she said what she said off the back of something I had said earlier in the session.

    I then explained about how what I had said was not accurate, not because it was a deliberate lie, but because I find the room suffocating and that when I get in there my mind gets blank so just say things that don't apply. I told her what the truth actually was and she did say that I am struggling to communicate with her, although I was doing well with it right now. I'm going to go back next week and she said that if the room is causing me problems then we can walk, so next week we will go for a walk and walk and talk which should hopefully help stop me feeling suffocated.

    I feel much better having spoken to her, but I'm still a bit unsettled, but doing better, much better than earlier. :)
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Glad that you were able to express how you feel and clear the air...all relationships have ruptures...the strength of the relationship is determined by what we do when the communication falls short...the more authentic we are, the better we can be supported and cared for...all the best, J
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm really glad you were able to talk to her!! :) At least you have a week to think, to determine how you feel. If you still feel that she doesn't really know you, it might be good to let her know that you ARE thinking rationally, but you still have the same doubts.

    Walking and talking sounds like a good idea too!! Those little rooms are too confining, and sometimes it just makes your mind freeze up (or at least, that's how it felt to me in the past). Your thoughts might flow more freely once you're out in the open.
  9. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    have you thought of writing down a list of things to discuss, then if your mind goes blank you can refer to it.
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies everyone.

    I agree WildCherry, being out of the room, with the sky above me and some beautiful grounds around me, should help. I used to do group therapy and would leave when distressed and she would follow me, and I found it far easier to open up at those times, when outside in the grounds, than either in the group therapy room, or when seeing her individually. Hopefully it will work.

    I have tried writing things down, but it doesn't work. It's not like my mind goes blank, as such (although that was what I said it did), it's more than that. I feel like my very being just leaves my body, and I'm left as a phsyical shell, so even with the things written down I still wouldn't be able to talk to them.

    Yesterday she tried to raise something that is a huge issue to me, and she knows it is and I know it is, but I just brushed it aside, just because there was no brain matter to be able to say anything about the situation at all.

    Hopefully next week will be easier if the weather is good enough for a wander.

    Thanks guys.