My feelings started this way when I was a small child I'm sure manifesting themselves in a more clear manner when I was a teenager, Growing up or lack of it didn't help and ever since then have had the notion that I never asked to be born. It was a decision that wasn't even on the table for me to read over. From this led to feelings that why am I bothering to draw breath and that I don't wish to be here anymore. I've been down the road of "dusting myself down and trying again" and I do still find the energy to have a go but it's primarily futile and still wrenches back to feelings of not wishing to be here. My reasons building up over the years to this for me are private and I don't wish to discuss them here in public, But they are valid reasons enough and I can justify to myself at least why I feel this way. Adult life has done me no favours and I'm worse now than I have ever been, I'm not what some might call depressed because I find my life to be so hilariously ridiculous that even I have to laugh it off somehow. It's like when you see someone in a movie experience something terrible, It's that giggle like...OH my god, Poor sod...That is my life or how I perceive it. I guess I make a joke out of it all and try to reel back a little self respect. I even kinda resent my parents for giving birth to me and I feel bad enough about that, They love each other and bore me because they wanted a child together. There is only thing that stops the cycle of crap, Which is shutting myself away, Not leaving the house and disconnecting from people entirely...It's the only other alternative.