My thoughts on overcoming self-harm.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Ai To Hikari, Nov 7, 2013.

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  1. Ai To Hikari

    Ai To Hikari Active Member


    I personally have only used self-harm and a form of training, and have never done it out of hatred for myself (even though I used to hate myself), but I would like to share my thoughts.

    _ Not long ago I stropped altogether.

    Self-harm, it happens when we channel our anger and disappointment for the world on ourselves.

    To all who hurt themselves: It does not have to be this way!
    Do you have something to enjoy?
    Can you see anything you like?
    If so, try and turn that good feeling on yourself. - Just as you do the hate when you cut etc.

    Overcoming self-hatred is a gradual process. It cannot happen overnight.
    But be the observer!
    Find out what makes you hate yourself.
    Find out what makes you want to hurt yourself.
    Then find out what makes you feel good about yourself.
    And eventually associate more with what makes you feel better.

    Sometimes this means giving up on certain things.

    Example: Doe likes music.
    Doe is also a cutter.
    Doe listens to a heavy metal band with dark lyrics.
    Even though Doe likes the music, it makes Doe want to cut.
    The music is making Does condition worse.
    So, for Doe's own good, Doe replaces that band with something that doesn't make Doe want to cut.


    Wishing you all good luck.

    Ai To Hikari.
  2. 4:48psychosis

    4:48psychosis Member

    I appreciate your intentions and enthusiasm with this thread, but I feel it is an over-simplification of a complex issue.

    There are as many reasons for self-harm as there are the number of people who self-harm. Your example is also an over-simplification, in assuming that the primary trigger for SH is associative identification with an external stimulus.

    I can only speak for myself here, but I don't hate myself, yet I SH, and have done so for a long time.
    For some (most, if the literature on the subject is still up to date), SH is an addiction. I remember reading a great example of describing addiction. It went as follows: hold your breath for as long as you can - until it is unbearable. Now let your breath out. That feeling of relief, release, being able to breathe again etc is possibly the best way of describing an addiction to someone who lacks insight into the addiction.

    SH allows us to breathe, even if only temporarily. Most of us know it is a temporary relief - no more transient than, say, having a drink, chatting with friends, sexual pleasure etc.
    In short, all forms of pleasure are transient - this is what makes them pleasurable (have you ever thought of breathing as a 'pleasurable' activity?). What makes SH seem so bad to the outsider is the very visual destructive nature of its transient 'fix', if you will.

    Again, i'm sure your enthusiasm is appreciated, but your message reads as preachy (no offense meant here) and genuinely lacking in insight, despite the best intentions of it. The reason for this is that you are seeing your reason for no longer SH'ing as the solution to the problem, as opposed to seeing it as the solution to your own problem, and not a universal solution.

    You said 'associate more with what makes you feel better' - I know that for many, this is SH itself. Sometimes I enjoy inflicting pain on myself, and like the sight of my own blood. Therefore, if I were to follow your advice of pursued hedonism (seek what is enjoyable and feels good), i'd be SH'ing almost every waking minute.

    However, i'm hoping someone reads your post and thinks 'oh, that's what I need to do'. If so, then this is great.

    Again, no offense meant
    All best
  3. Ai To Hikari

    Ai To Hikari Active Member


    Of course we need to separate addiction from what is truly good for us.
    It is indeed true that the causes are many, and that my examples are simplified.
    But all problems come from within right?
    By becoming observers of our own consciousness, we learn much about ourselves.
    What makes us happy? what makes us sad? what makes us hate ourselves? what makes us want to harm ourselves?
    By asking questions we can get our first puzzle pieces.
    Eventually we can piece our life back together. - With time, support, and healing we can turn our hate into love.

    - I can not tell people how they solve their problems, I can, however provide tips and techniques.

    Ai To Hikari.
  4. 4:48psychosis

    4:48psychosis Member

    No, all problems don't come from within.

    The perception of problems is an inner process. The problems themselves can be, and usually are, external.

    I think I should leave this thread as your replies are, to me, preachy, like a cheap Krishnamurti copy. I'm sorry, maybe i'm in a bad place just now.

    You seem to have no insight into self harm, or the psychology of it.
  5. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    4:48psychosis Your explanation, explains it all. I have to agree its complex and it's not easy thing to just get rid of it that were the case I would have stopped years ago.
  6. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sure your intentions are good but I must say I know what makes me happy, sad, hate myself etc. but the pieces don't come together. It's not a puzzle. And it's not always problems from within. It's not simple, it's not easily "fixable" and lastly if someone stops SHing that's great and hopefully they can stay free from it but even people who have a good view from the inside will harm. Even people who stop for years come back to it. It's to complicated to "put pieces together"
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    To put it in its simplest forms - SH is a choice at first (no different to drug abuse/alcohol abuse). So it makes people feel a little better at the time, how different is that to opiates or alcohol? Addictions can be beaten, by looking at what is actually done by an individual in a given situation. Might sound like it's an "easy to say, not so easy to do" statement, but what's actually easier to do? Nothing? Or SH? I know which one is factually easier - because doing nothing takes no effort. SH takes effort and time.

    Critical? Yes. However, I have talked two people out of SU before, and both were SH'ers - and they've eased up a lot. So if I seem to have no insight and no knowledge whatsoever, I can only look to the retrospective response that my words have helped others ease before.

    The problem many face is how to handle the changes that go with overcoming addiction, so they tend to stick with what they know more. Rather than tackling the issue, they'd hide behind it because they are "comfortable" with it.
  8. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    fighting_the_tide ... i do not believe they are saying that its any diff from drug or alcohol addiction... they are simply saying that LIKE drug and alcohol addiction, it is hard to beat and many relapse and that its not as simply cut and dry as some ppl may think as to the reasonings either for starting or continuing or relapsing into it... to me, i think its more that they want ppl to understand before they presume to know "how to fix it" ... i agree, its a very hard thing to overcome... i carved myself for years when i'd get really down and depressed and needed to express it but nobody would listen, it was my way of saying... "heh, u dont wanna listen, but u'll definately see!" as well as my way of transfering emotional to physical pain, physical being easier to deal with to me. i'm not saying or presuming that is everyone's reason, but it was mine.... i have been free from it for 5yrs, but i still have very strong urges for it.... its not something u just "get over"
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