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my thoughts on suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sole33, May 6, 2008.

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  1. sole33

    sole33 New Member

    I don't really know why i came here, i guess its because i think i might be suicidal and looking for help or something, at least thats what it seems like a psychologist would say. I don't really know if im suicidal or not, i guess an easier way of explaining it would be that its not so much that im suicidal, its just i wouldn't mind dying, acually, i would kind of prefer it. Im not going to kill myself, i dont know why, you could say i dont have the balls or im too lazy or something like that, or a sugar coated explanation of the same thing.

    The trick is, sometimes when im in certain situations i try to put myself in a position that would have a higher probability of death, for example: If im at a bar, and some stranger and someone i don't really know very well get into a fight, if the stranger pulled a knife i would probalbly jump into it regardless of if i cared about my friends welfare or not, i have already been stabbed twice under similar circumstances, both of the guys who stabbed me obviously didn't do a good job at it, and ended up landing me a couple of A&B charges and a few beers, despite the fact that i was the so called *hero* of the situation. You would figure that they would love someone like me in the military, but they kicked me out a few years ago.

    I did try to kill myself once when I violently split up with my ex wife. Oddly i tried to do it with a butterknife to my neck like an idiot and got tazed like a rabid donkey in the process and went to jail, and landed me a few more charges here and there, i was highly intoxicated and didn't have enough sense to pick out a steak knife from a butter knife, needless to say, i fail at unlife.

    I have already been in 3 bad car accidents (they acually weren't my fault, im surprisingly a good driver despite all this), fell off of a three story building, stabbed twice, and tazed with a dorky freakin butter knife to my throat, what the hell is wrong with me? I have freakin stabbing scars on my chest, a titanium rod in my leg and my back hurts all the time, shouldn't i be dead already?

    In my mind, it seems completely rational that a low usage human being like myself should easily be allowed to leave existance of his own free will, im not very important, i work in construction so someone will be there to take my place i will take up less food and housing so others who want to stay here and eat/live in their moronic little world can.

    Im not depressed or anything like that, im just pissed off and fed up with the world and the people around me so much that i can hardly stand it. I sit in the car at the grocery store and watch people wait for five minutes for a parking spot up close to the store when they could have easily walked faster than that, and these are people perfectly capable of walking. People glare at me with snobby eyes while i look back at them like "wtf?", thinking they are so important, i guess defending the country they live in and building houses for their relatives doesn't qualify me for their respect... morons.

    I don't do drugs, and i cant drink anymore because i get pissed off at everyone around me, i have yet to meet a decent female that has any kind of sense at all (if they did they would steer clear of me probalbly), and im loosing my freakin mind and i cant seem to bring myself back. I have no relief except i live in a very peaceful town and i go fishing a lot with my pops, that calms me down and its relaxing, but as soon as tommorrow comes its the same ol !@#$, oh look an idiot here and there and im stuck shoveling concrete into a hole... what a great day.

    Does anyone else here feel like this or is everyone else here just depressed or something, or am i just out of my mind, tell me no one else here is extremely pissed off at the whole world?

    Edit: it was extremely hard not to cuss in this, so i hope you appreciate my effort goddamnit
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2008
  2. nolove89

    nolove89 Active Member

    Love is everyones answer. If you had a nice and loving Girlfriend to see after your hard days work, someone to talk to and spill your heart out to. You would feel like a perfect human being.

    Saying that. I have never found love or a single girlfriend yet and I'm 20 years old, But I'm guessing that is the answer.
  3. sole33

    sole33 New Member

    i doubt it, im pretty shallow when it comes to that, i might be happier because i would be having more sex. no girl in the right mind would want to get involved with me anyways, though i have met a few with quite a wrong mind, but then i don't have much room to talk after posting something like that.

    i am only 24 myself so i am acually still kind of young too i suppose.
  4. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    You are really young, and there is plenty of time to meet someone.
    Im not religious, but maybe life is telling you something if after all that you havent died?
    Are you seeing a Councillor or anything? could help x
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