This is a post which is meant to help, its not about me wanting to kill myself but more about how i've dealt with these feelings and if this helps save 1 persons life then I guess it's worth it. This is the first time i've really been open about this even on the internet. I sometimes lurk in chat but not very often. A brief background about myself, i'm currently in my early 20's and have suicidal thoughts on and off ever since I was about 15 years old. I've never been diagnosed with anything although I suffer with depression a lot. I would never go to the doctor about something like this, I wouldnt advise anyone else to simply copy me as you probably know yourself better and you know what will work for you. What works for you will be different to what works for me. I have found in life there are often many challenges and often times when you feel very upset and depressed/ feel like killing yourself. You must come to accept that these probably won't ever stop and you must deal with them. I am not giving advice like "pull yourself together" as I think this is silly. I am merely saying you won't be happy 100% of the time but neither will you be sad 100% of the time. I also came to the realisation that I most certainly did not want to die and I only thought like this during depression (even though this feeling could last for weeks). I discovered this as I get very bad allergies and have had trouble breathing a couple of times. When I have been to hospital because of this the only thing I could think of is that I do not want to die, no matter how I felt prior to this when I was actually in a position of possibly dying it turns out I did not want to. It is up to you to actively pursue areas to change your life if you're unhappy and depressed with them, even if you're given help from others. Whilst writing this post I can say I am honestly not happy with my life and still often get depressed/have thoughts of suicide however when thinking about this with a clear head and a sane mind you know that this is not the answer. If you think suicide is the answer whilst reading this and think I am some sort of idiot who doesn't know what he is talking about then you're most likely very depressed. You must try and observe what you're doing and realise why is it that you feel this way and then take some steps to do things differently and change your way of thinking/doing things. This is easier said than done in practice but if you keep trying at it you will eventually make life easier for yourself. It has taken me about 8 years to understand I will have these feelings quite a lot but I now can deal with them a lot better than I could. Overall, what i'm trying to say is that life is one big grind, if you keep working at something you will improve. Things won't suddenly disappear and there arn't just sudden cures for mental health or other things like social/work life. The sooner you accept this the better. This isn't meant to be insulting or needling and I hope it didn't come across that way, if anyone has any questions about this post I will answer them below but otherwise I will probably get back to lurking.