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My thoughts

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ssad, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. ssad

    ssad New Member

    I find myself unable to speak openly about my sadness with real people, so I'm taking the easy way and typing it out.

    For more than 14 years I have suffered depression. Most nights I have trouble sleeping because there is only 1 thing on my mind. I am unable to keep a job or relationships as I find myself not caring about them enough to go or even make a phone call.

    I have been in therapy 3 times, and through compulsive lying managed to convince therapists and psychologists that I do not have suicidal thoughts and any attempt was merely from over-consumption of alcohol coupled with a "bad night". Although I would reveal enough to show I am depressed, it was always chalked to my thinking path and changing my thought behavior... Much easier said than done.

    Being unable to keep a job, I find myself having to stop treatment with various anti-depressants due to the cost, this leads me to not have the motivation to even look for another job.

    Luckily, I have been blessed with very loving parents whom have supported me most of my adult life. They are getting to the end of their patience though, and I know I am an emotional and financial drain on them. They don't know much about what I am going through.

    That about sums it up - so here I am now, about to lose another job, and my parents have said if that happens I am out of the house.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I am sure if your parents are loving, they were trying to 'motivate' not punish you...some ppl have problems articulating how they feel...many of us here have had problems negotiating the RL because of our situations...please continue to post and you will see that you are not alone and that many ppl do understand
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    How about going to your doc and telling them truth now ok and go into hosptial and get some therapy and stick with it as you say your parents hun love you show them you love them back by getting you the help to be strong on your own hugs