I find myself unable to speak openly about my sadness with real people, so I'm taking the easy way and typing it out. For more than 14 years I have suffered depression. Most nights I have trouble sleeping because there is only 1 thing on my mind. I am unable to keep a job or relationships as I find myself not caring about them enough to go or even make a phone call. I have been in therapy 3 times, and through compulsive lying managed to convince therapists and psychologists that I do not have suicidal thoughts and any attempt was merely from over-consumption of alcohol coupled with a "bad night". Although I would reveal enough to show I am depressed, it was always chalked to my thinking path and changing my thought behavior... Much easier said than done. Being unable to keep a job, I find myself having to stop treatment with various anti-depressants due to the cost, this leads me to not have the motivation to even look for another job. Luckily, I have been blessed with very loving parents whom have supported me most of my adult life. They are getting to the end of their patience though, and I know I am an emotional and financial drain on them. They don't know much about what I am going through. That about sums it up - so here I am now, about to lose another job, and my parents have said if that happens I am out of the house.