My thoughts...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by black orchid, May 14, 2012.

  1. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    I'm fed up of remembering things that should never have happened, fed up of being jealous and paranoid. For a while i felt 'normal' but now it's all back 50 times worse...

    I can't even have a conversation with someone without shit running through my head I look at people and all i see in my head are the things they've done to me i've tried to forget it and move on, act like it never happened like they do but it doesn't work anymore. COnversations play over and over in my head. Trying to have a nice normal conversation and all i can think is why am i being nice to them when they have done so much to hurt me.... He was threatening to get me sectioned telling me i can't cope that i'm a liability all because i was trying to be happy, he hated me, i wasn't his sister, i wasn't their daughter, i wasn't part of their family, told them all i'd chosen to leave them behind when he was kicking me out....getting framed and blamed for shit i didn't do....why? just so that they will all hate me? or so that i will think i am insane? so that they'll all turn their back on me?...... i just don't know anymore.

    All it took is one girl to fuck my head up again and bring everything's not even her's no ones fault but my own.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I don't have the answers, just want you to know I read your post and I care. If there's anything I can do or you need someone to talk to, you can PM me or message me on FB.
  3. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

  4. nolongerknow

    nolongerknow Active Member

    Racing paranoid thoughts fucking suck. I have lost basically everyone in my life due to lashing out and abusing them for 'trying to fuck with my head'.. Most of the thing I thought were happening actually weren't, but there have definitely been people who would make snide comments either to me in conversation, or to others whilst I was present.. the thing that fucking pisses me off about it is, when i can collect myself and I aproach them calmly and rationally explain that "if you have something you would like to ask me please don't use subliminals, just ask and I will answer" then they just tell me I am fucked in the head and blah blah blah..

    98% of the time it is in my head but there are times when it is plain fucking obvious they are having a go at me.. I just lost two family members to this shit this week.. and yea I no longer give a fuck about my family

    "COnversations play over and over in my head."
    yes. yes me too.. real life sucks I'd take FAIL.BLOG over life anyday