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My time here is over. Please listen to my story.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jerry J, Jan 15, 2007.

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  1. Jerry J

    Jerry J Guest

    Hello, my name is Jerry. I am the father of 2 beautiful children, Benjamin and Sarah, and the husband of my wonderful wife Rebeccah. I have a story to tell, and I just hope that someone will listen. That's all I ask for.

    Two weeks ago, on January 3rd, 2007, my wife loaded our two children into the car to take them to the grocery store. I was at work. I couldn't wait to get home to spend time with my family. I always called home before I left work, and one of my children would usually answer it. This time, there was no answer.

    That day, my family was ripped from me. I am still breathing, but my life is also gone. A drunk driver destroyed my life. He went right through the intersection without as much as slowing down. He took the lives of my family. Oh, the driver survived; thank God for that. In an instant the lives of 4 people were destroyed. The murderer of my family is still alive.

    My family was laid to rest last week. I had to come home to an empty house. I sit and cry until there is nothing left inside of me, and I cry some more. I stay awake all night waiting for the car to pull up, but it doesn't happen. I can't remember the last time I slept or ate. I am dead inside. There is nothing left for me anymore. I cry and beg to God asking him why he would do this to me. I don't understand it. My family did not deserve this.

    Tonight I will be joining my family again. We will all be together again, and that brings a smile to my face. I can't wait to embrace Rebeccah again. To hold my children again. To tell them everything will be alright. We will be together again for eternity, and nothing will seperate us this time.

  2. lostcat95

    lostcat95 Guest

    I am sorry that that happened to your family! Your wife and children must have been special if God wanted them close to him. I think you should seek some support from loved ones and try to hold on.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I am so totally sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to express that in words.

    Grief is such a painful process. I know that it can not even begin to compare to your loss, but I lost my best friend a little over a year ago. I was (and often still am) determined to join him. But what has kept me here is this. What if I go to the next world and he is not there? What if you go and they are not there? Not becuase they don't love you and care for you, but because the next world does not work like that. This world may hurt like bloody fuck right now, but you still have them in memories, and their spirits.

    They didn't want to leave you, they were cruelly snatched, but do they really want their dad/husband to appear in the next world before his time? Would they not love you so much that they would want you to fight through this pain and live on for them?

    There is no easy, nor simple way to deal with grief, but I would say that having people that love you around you can help. Could you go and stay with family members? They can look after you and allow you some time.

    Also, if you feel up to it, try and get some bereavement counselling because, instead of missing them and thinking about them being painful, you can start to remember the good times, laugh like you did at things they did that was funny. Maybe you could try and honour their memories somehow, it might give you a focus for right now.

    I know that that seems like that will never happen, but right now all you can do is take baby steps, take every hour, minute as it comes. Allow people to help you, support you, care for you, love you.

    Let us support you in anyway we can.

    If you want to chat, then you can PM me at any time. Your loss is too great to put into words and to give an adequate response to, so I apologise for the inadequacies of the language but I can tell you that right now I am feeling for you, as will anyone else who reads this.

    Please let us help.

    Try and hang in there, if not for you, then for them.

    Take care
  4. gizmo

    gizmo Active Member

    Jerry, that is a painful story to read. I understand your loss and it really sucks. You have an opportunity to honor your loved ones by celebrating their lives and living life the way you know they would want you to. By doing so they will live on in your memory and actions.
  5. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    First off, I'm very sorry to hear about your family. The pain must be unbearable.

    Jerry, you should really think about what your doing. I hope you don't mind me saying so. If you believe in an afterlife, then you should believe in a God who governs it, or some sort of karmic effect at least. Either way you look at it, suicide won't get you closer to your family. Unless you count the grave next to them. I don't mean to sound so blunt, but that's the only way for me to be. I would be more tactful if I could.

    I lost my family years ago--in a sense. I lost myself too, but you probably don't want to hear about that. But in a nutshell I became bitter and, I was living a life not worth living. I don't know if I'll ever get out of this "phase." But, I realize I should have acted sooner than I did.

    Seek help from relatives, friends, professional therapy. All of them would probably help you. It takes a matter of time to heal. And will you ever heal? That's difficult to answer, I think having mental "scars" are part of being human. Some have worse scars than others.

    I know I sound like a hypocrite, or something close to it. But as I said, my mistake was not getting help sooner than I did (which, when it came down to it, wasn't any help at all).

    Talk to someone atleast, before making your decision. Sometimes an outside perspective/comfort will help. I really wish I could help you more, by the way. pm me if you feel like it, I'll listen.
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh Jerry, I am so sorry. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are in.

    I pray that you do not take your life, but understand completely why you feel this is your only option.

    Please, as has been suggested, rely on your family and get some grief counselling. They say time heals all, maybe it does, maybe it doesnt (some things are too painful for some to get over), but you owe it to both yourself and your loved ones to try everything to come to terms with your terrible terrible loss.

    Whatever your decision is in the end, may God be with you.

    I am so sorry.
  7. Joy2BeWith

    Joy2BeWith Guest


    Who's to say you will see them if you take your life? You might not. Then you're really in a mess.

    Your pain I cannot fathom, but in time it will lessen and you will start to feel peace.

    Right now the pain is too deep for you to comprehend this or feel any kind of relief in sight, but you will make a huge mistake if you take your life, don't do it.

    Your next step right now is to seek out a support group that deals with losing loved ones - take your energy that you have now that you want to use in killing yourself and turn it around and seek out this group, please!

  8. Joy2BeWith

    Joy2BeWith Guest


    If you're still here with us let me know if you and I can chat. I want to talk to you, by phone or emial.

  9. Jerry J

    Jerry J Guest

    I appreciate the kind words, but there is nothing that I can do. My life ended on that day, and only my body continues to live on. I don't feel anything anymore. I've slept less than a few hours in the past week, and those few hours contained nothing by nightmares. I cannot keep down any food. I'm starting to have hallucinations. When I close my eyes I can only see my family trapped in the car, hear their screams for help that never came. I was late for work that morning and didn't even get to kiss them goodbye. If I had taken the time to do so, this would have never happened. There are so many things that I could have done differently that day. If I had delayed them even 10 seconds, they would still be alive today. I did not even get to kiss them goodbye before they were laid to rest. Their bodies were burnt so badly that they required a closed casket funeral. I pray to God that the murderer of my family gets his punishment. I hope this lays on his conscience for years and years until he feels his sanity leaving his grasp. If there is any justice in this world, this monster will be made to suffer for all of eternity with this burden.

    I have felt feelings that no human should ever have to endure. The pain outweighs tenfold anything I could have possibly imagined. If a hell exists, I have surely been there.

    If nothing else, please remember my story. For most people, there is hope. I have no hope anymore. Please appreciate what you have. It could be gone in a moment, and all you will have is the memories. Cherish life, your family, and your hopes and dreams. They could be ripped from your heart at any time.

    I am so sorry. I truly appreciate everyone that has reached out to help me, but I am beyond help. There is truly nothing left for me. My soul is gone. Only this body continues to function. Once that stops, I can finally join my family agian.

    It is time for me to go now. Please pray for me. I hope to one day see some of you good people up there with me.

    Good bye.
  10. jennilee

    jennilee Member

    Jerry, I am soooo sorry to hear about the loss of your family. They must have been pretty special for God to need them all up there with him all at the same time. I know it's hard for you to see things in a different light right now, but please, please don't make any rash decisions while you are in the mental state that you are currently in right now. You're not thinking straight. You're hurt and you feel that your whole life has been distroyed. You won't realize it right now, but there is some light at the end of the tunnel for you. There's a reason why God left you behind. God never puts more on us than we can handle. I don't know what religion you are, but my religion teaches that if you commit suicide you will not ever be reunited with your loved ones. You will just be sent right back through in full circle back into earth to finish out whatever it is that God has planned for you. Unfortunately it's not up to us to decide when we are going to die. It's God's decision and he knows what's best for us. It just takes us awhile to figure it out for ourselves sometimes. In the meantime, you have to get some help with dealing with these terrible feelings that you're having. You need to learn how to live with the pain of losing your family. Then as each day passes it will eventually start getting easier to go on. I promise you this. I've been there and I've felt the same pain that you have, but I was lucky enough that someone turned me around just like I'm trying to do for you. I am so grateful for that too. When the time is right, you will then be reunited with your beautiful family again and at that time it will be for eternity. But, you don't want to risk it turning out the other way around, do you? That wouldn't make things easier for you. It will only delay the amount of time before you're with your family again. Please listen to what I have to say and please try to get some help with dealing with all of this. You can make it through this. YOU CAN MAKE IT and you CAN be happy again. Please do not make any decisions while you are in this state of mind. Join a support group or talk to a priest. Do whatever it takes to make yourself better again. You deserve it. God Bless you! [/FONT]
  11. Joy2BeWith

    Joy2BeWith Guest



    You will take your life and you will go through a tunnel and during your trip through that tunnel you will experience a tremendous amount of sorrow - A MILLION TIMES MORE SORROW THAN YOU FEEL NOW FOR YOUR LOSS.

    You can get through this damn it - you need to get through this.

    It was time for your two children and wife to go, and by virtue of this you are to learn some lesson that is only going to help you grow - YOU DONT HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS NOW, BUT TRUST ME, YOU NEED TO LIVE.

    I send you a private message, please read it.

  12. jennilee

    jennilee Member

    This is basically the exact same thing that I wrote to Jerry. I know he feels like there is no more life left in him, but he is soooo wrong. He doesn't realize what a mistake he is making. He's not going to be reunited with his family like he thinks he will. He is going to endure even more pain and sorrow. His family is looking down on him and they are happier now than they could ever be here on earth. They are the lucky one's. They are in God's home now surrounded by more love and joy than we only wish we could even image existed. Jerry can be there too when the time is right with his family, but not until the time is right in God's eyes. Please Jerry don't make this huge eternal mistake. Please listen to what we have to say. I promise you, you will be thanking us one day for this. You don't want to risk never seeing your beautiful family again, do you? No, you don't. But that is exactly what will happen if you continue with this plan of yours. Prove to your family and everyone else that you are strong enough to over come this. Show your family that you want to be with them for eternity. Ask God for his help and guidance in getting through this sorrow. He will help you through anything as long as you are honestly trying. If you need to talk, please PM me. I'm here for you whenever you need anything. God Bless!
  13. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Jerry, I sincerely hope that you do not take your own life, despite the unbearable grief you are going thru. I do not think your family would want you to join them prematurely - I just don't. I have no basis for thinking this way, only feelings. Please do not end your life. PLease live til you are called to go, not of your own choosing. There is a reason you are still alive, I just don't know what that reason is. And please don't blame yourself, for the timing of that morning or anything else - it wasn't your fault.

    PLease live, for yourself if nothing else. I'm so sorry for your misery and pain of your loss. Words can't adequately express my sorrow. PLease stay here with us. We'll listen to you and support you any way we can. I love you.


  14. immure

    immure Account Closed

    heavy heart
    swollen eyes
    gaping soul
    know that this is not the same way they went so it won t end in the same place
    hang on with all the life u have left
    so u can be with them again
    the pain fades with time
    sure it will naver go but nor will ur love for them
    this is good
    let this define u in all the ways that would bring out the u that is in there barried in all this pain
    let me shovel a tunnel for u
    i will keep shovelin till i find u
    just hang on.
  15. taffany

    taffany Member

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. I cant even imagine what you are going through,and I no that there are no words that can take the pain away from you. I do know though that your family would be sad there husbend and father left before his time to go. I really sugest that you seek some help for your feelings go to your family that is still here or to your pastor or even the hospital but ending your life is not the answer think of all those that are still here that will be just as sad when you are gone. I will keep you in my preyers and my thoughts and I do prey that you will get some help. May God bless you and bring you through this time need


    I know your pain because i lost my daughter on jan27,06 and i know how hard is it is to lose a love on. ((((hugs))))). If you ever wont to email me to talk im always here. My email adress is Scbobbypup@aol.com
    My heart goes out to you
  17. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Oh dear jerry I'm ever so sorry and I know that wont do anything to ease things,the pain you're in is surely undescribable and I feel your anger at the driver I really do.I would do anything to bring your beautiful family back and sadly I know it's impossible I'd give up my own life it that was anyway possible and I know it's not of course and it sounds like a silly hollow saying.I really hope you can stay around I do know of course as we all do you're going through endless mental torture because of all this.
    Please try not to blame yourself as much as it get's hard not to it's not your fault by any means my dear friend,you could've done absolutely everything right and still this "Scumbag" would've done the same thing sadly to say.
    I'm very sorry but I get equally as emotional about hoping deserved justice to be made,even though someone who's been the victim has no direct relation or even knows of me.
  18. gizmo

    gizmo Active Member

    For the remainder of my days I will Jerry.

    I'll drink to that sir!

    I hope that the moment of your deliverance is painless and full of rememberance of love. Good luck!
  19. Raven

    Raven Guest

    I have read your story, its things like this that stick in my heart. I will always remember your story; I just hope that it does not end this way. I hope you find the strength to find a way to continue on with your life.

  20. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    I heard your story.
    Why you?
    Why anyone else?
    Remember your not the only one hurting through this..
    You wont be forgotten.

    Ally _%
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