Time is almost up. I gave myself 18 days, to live out, take the best of life i could, before ending it. And in that 18 days, i may not have done everything i wanted, but freer from the burden of wanting to kill myself, i managed to do a lot. Some days were just regular enough days, and i wont pretend that they were free of pain. I self harmed once mildly, and once seriously in that time. I had a few of the best days i have ever lived, big days, and small days, but also had the worst day i had experienced in years. I had the biggest night out ever, with so many people i never even knew, and instead of stressed and scared, i managed not only to live through it, but to have a great time. I have felt new highs in my relationship with my girlfriend, but plummeted harder than i knew i could. And most importantly of all, Bambi, who has already done more for me than i could ever put into words, has managed to do the impossible and start me thinking in different ways about what i do and who i am. So for her, for my girlfriend, and her family who i am staying with. For my mother and my brother back home. For my friends at work, and those i have not seen in over a year back home. For each person on here i have talked to, who has been there for me, who i have tried to help, or who i have just randomly chatted to, and for those who i have not met. Time is up. It is time for Death. Death to suicide, death to the notion that i have to end it all this day, or any day. I will NOT die. From this day on, i will live. I will take the highs, and the lows. I will do my best, and while not take every opportunity, take those that i can. I will have my lows, i will fall, and i will probably hurt myself too some times. I will NOT die. I cannot take away the feeling of wanting to commit suicide. That is why i post now, in here, because i still feel it. I am still struggling. My nature is to say that i set this time, and i should stick to it. I will NOT die. I cannot end the feelings, but i make this choice, right here, right now, for everyone to see. I will NOT die. I will NOT try to kill myself. I will still feel like i should, for now, i cannot be rid of that pain so easily. But... i will not die. Not this day, nor the next, nor any day will i choose to relinquish life. This i vow. And this may be odd, but i ask any who read this, to reply with, if nothing else, their screen name. I mean to write a list of every single person that this vow is for, so each time i feel suicidal, instead of considering death, i shall read each and every name on the list, for those who i have chosen to live for.