All mylife I have hiden any feeling from any/every one now things have got so bad I find it hard to deal with. I have self harmed since I was 13 to help, but now it isn't very effective. I attempted suicide 2 times when I was younger but managed to mess it up both times ? no one ever found out either. I have planned how I want to die and tried (not really count as a attempt). <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I think of this in my hardest tests (college) and my most stressful times (work, family, friends etc.). It brings a bit of peace to my chaotic life.