My Weight Could Kill Me

[StarFish]

I'm so fat. I'm at or over 300 pounds. I feel disgusting and HATE HATE HATE the way I look. I dread having to go out and to deal with the stares of other people watching me waddling my fass ugly ass down the road. If I catch sight of myself in a window I just shrivel up inside.

Also I have heart palpitations. I can barely make it up the stairs, having a shower is so exhausting. My knees and hips are screwed up. My paternal Grandmother died young of a heart attack.

I eat and eat and eat like a disgusting pig...especially chocolate. It's like at some level I'm trying to hurt myself to destroy myself.

I have 2 kids who need me. I just don't know how to beat this. It's never been this bad before. I'm 33 and feel like I'm 63.

I don't even know what to ask, maybe there's no point. I DON"T WANT THIS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

 

[StarFish]

It was so hard for me to write the last post and now I've realized I've posted it in the wrong forum. AAAARRRRGGGHH. Now I look like an idiot. I feel so bloody stupid.

Is there a way to move this to the appropriate place?

 

[Maja]

Hey Me33,

I don't really think it makes a big difference where you post! The point is that you are reaching out for support. You definitely don't look like an idiot, although I know it can be frustrating when you make a silly 'mistake' like that.

I'm glad you posted. From reading a few of the posts you've made tonight, it seems like you are just really overwhelmed. And that's ok - we all feel overwhelmed at times!

When you think about your weight problems, what's the hardest aspect to deal with? What's bothering you most? Can you tell us a bit more about how you feel about this?

It's not an easy task to lose weight but it sounds like you are worried about being there for your kids and also about being healthier. What kinds of things have you tried in the past to lose weight? Has anything been successful before? What is the one thing you'd like to try next?

Sorry to bombard you with all the questions. This is a safe place for you to talk. I know you mentioned in another post your concerns about the number of people who are from the UK. Even though it may be an irrational fear, we all have those fears and it's understandable you feel that way right now. I'm glad that you are in Canada and that you feel safer. I am a fellow Canadian as well.

Take care Me33!

 

[StarFish]

It was nice to hear you're a Canadian. I'm a sort of Brit-Canadian hybrid.

I am definately overwhelmed...there's so much going on right now. A lot of things have come up at the same time. Bad timing.

Yes, I do worry about my kids. I know they need their Mommy and I want so much to be here for them.

My weight has been up and down all my life. At one point I managed to get down to 165. That was great. But then about 2 years ago my wonderful, loving Grandma died. No one but God could know what she meant to me. She loved me enough for 100 Grandmas. I know I'll see her again in Heaven one day so I'm not grieving without hope, but it hurts so acutely.

She was 85, had Alzheimers and it was expected. Everyone else in England went through a sort of grieving process before she died as they watched her waste away and change. But I didn't. She kept asking me to go and visit but we didn't have the money and then it was too late. When she died I didn't get to go to the funeral. Her death triggered the overeating thing again and that's when I slowly went from 165 to 300+.

I think the worst thing about being obese is feeling self hatred and ashamed at what I've done to myself...that, and embarassment when I go out. I feel sooo ashamed walking down the street I can barely stand it. I have to keep telling myself: Just keep walking...don't even think about it. The anxiety is overwhelming.

I'm not sure what to try next or if I have the strength. I did a sleep study at the hospital and my Doctor thinks I have sleep apnea. So maybe that's why I'm so exhausted all the time. In the last six monthy I've made a couple of attempts at losing weight but...it just never happened. I either couldn't or wouldn't. I'm trying to be honest with myself here.

I have a feeling that this weight is never gonna be gone for good until I've dealt with the underlying issues. But in the mean time I don't want to die because of my weight.

 

[Darken]

Im obese 274 pounds probably more I think so I can relate to how you feel. Ive been the fat one since I was 12. Join a gym for support and encouragement. Im also trying to get some weight loss pills.

 

[StarFish]

Thanks for the enouragement:smile:

I've avoided weight loss pills because I've heard that they can be dangerous. Is that true?

 

[Beret]

Hey Me33 How do i understand you i doubled my weight with my meds. At some point of my life i was 100lbs, a weight that i had achived with weight loss pills. Even so i was younger then, and told that i was anorexic, the only side effect i wouldnt sleep, so was in the need of sleeping pills. Weight watchers are supposed to be great, and i defiantly would join if i were in the US or Canada (in Spain atm). Perhaps you want to talk to a doc and ask what he would recomend you. Awww i also just have decided to loose weight and am eating a salad and a tangerine per day (yay already lost 10lbs). Also have decided to start walking or running every day, even so i embarrased too to leave my apartment. Wishing you good luck with loosing weight hun. Dont give up
Love, Beret

 

[Terry]

Beware of weight loss pills, they can cause heart problems.

Walking Me, put on the headphones with some boppy music and walk.
I've managed to shift 3 stone with a sensible eating plan and walking.

Dieting can be so boring, so at the weekends let yourself have something u really like..bar of chocolate, donut (the dreaded donuts..my biggest downfall :laugh: ) whatever takes your fancy.

Slow and steady weight loss means it stays off !!!!

Also to repeat what Beret said, weight watchers are a good group to join.

 

[StarFish]

Beret. Congrats on your 10 pounds weight loss. I'm so happy for you. Thanks for the encouragement :smile:

Devastated: You're so kind. Wish I could give you a hug. I hear you about the weight loss pills; heart problems are not what I need right now.

Also, walking. Yes, that's how I lost so much weight before. Done it and know it works. I even have a treadmill for when the snow gets DEEP in winter. Just have to muster up the energy. I think I'm gonna have to force myself to get on the treadmill for 30 mins a day. That will at least be a start. Slow & steady:smile:

Doughnuts...lol...mmmm. chocolate is my downfall...oh my goodness...mars, hersheys...cadbury's (the best of course) I could go on and on...oooh and truffles. Okay I have to stop...am drooling on the keyboard. Hey at least I'm laughing now:laugh:

Thankyou...thankyou...thankyou...will keep you posted.

 

[Hazel]

Hey Me, I too understand how you feel, I am grosssly overweight, embarrassed by my size, hate how I look, what I am, guess we both know how to lose weight the problem is in the 'doing' of it.

Well done Beret, tho I think you are not eating enough!! :unsure:

:hug: Hazel x

 

[Terry]

LOL Me, had vision of u sitting there keyboard covered in drool :laugh: :laugh:

:drool2: <<<<<<< ME !!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

[eih]

lol... I rather like doughnuts

anyway Me33 :hug: best of luck with your weight loss... I was very overweight only when I was like in elementary school :ohmy: I'm only 15 now but I lost alot of the weight.... its possible.. just stick with it..

best wishes and good luck :hug:

 

[StarFish]

Devastated: EWWWWWWW...LOL...:laugh: :drool2: :drool2:

Hazel: I think you're right about the doing of it. Okay now we just have to do it.

eih: Glad to hear you lost so much weight. Good for you.

NOTE TO SELF: Eject fat bottom out of bed in morning and force onto treadmill. Reward self with extra computer time if necessary.:smile:

Tomorrow is the day. I WILL get on the treadmill for 30 mins even if it kills me. I'll post tomorrow and let you know how it went.

 

[StarFish]

About to get on the treadmill...:unsure: Hope I do okay. Back in a awhile.

 

[Terry]

go for it girl !!!! Feel that burn :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

[StarFish]

I did it! I did it! I actually broke the not doing it cycle. I'm so excited. Yay!

30 minutes of huffing, puffing, sweaty, determination:showoff:

Endorphins...wow...I forgot how good a workout feels afterwards.

So, now I'll try to do 30 mins 3X a week.

 

[Terry]

Good on ya, I feel good just hearing you did it :laugh:

 

[StarFish]

Hi Tatara!

I'm really sorry I haven't replied to your post before now. I've been away from the forum for a couple of days.

Thankyou for the link and the advice and for sharing your story. It's so great that you've been doing so well with the weight loss. I am super proud of you.

Starfish:biggrin:

 

[allofme]

hey all

i too am in the same over ladden boat of fat.. i know the feeling... i have anxiety about leaving my home most is because of other issues but i know a part is just not wanting to be seen.. i like you all am trying to slowly loose the fat... i was successful for a while but the depression and a few other things have diverted me... but when you ... I ... have minimum of 100 pounds to loose it will be an up and down process...


great job to starfish for the walking
and to tatara for really getting a grip on things.. hope therapy went well...

 

[Ruby]

You should really consider orlistat (Xenical). It isn't dangerous and it's recommended by doctors if you have a BMI 30 >. It works by blocking the enzymes in the gut that digest fat and so the undigested fat isn't absorbed into your body. Good luck.