I'm so fat. I'm at or over 300 pounds. I feel disgusting and HATE HATE HATE the way I look. I dread having to go out and to deal with the stares of other people watching me waddling my fass ugly ass down the road. If I catch sight of myself in a window I just shrivel up inside. Also I have heart palpitations. I can barely make it up the stairs, having a shower is so exhausting. My knees and hips are screwed up. My paternal Grandmother died young of a heart attack. I eat and eat and eat like a disgusting pig...especially chocolate. It's like at some level I'm trying to hurt myself to destroy myself. I have 2 kids who need me. I just don't know how to beat this. It's never been this bad before. I'm 33 and feel like I'm 63. I don't even know what to ask, maybe there's no point. I DON"T WANT THIS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?