My wife is dead.. My life is over...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rnv907, Aug 19, 2007.

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  1. rnv907

    rnv907 Member

    I've been waiting foe seven years for this to get better. WTF!!!!
     
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I am terribly sorry for your loss. I know that when my Dad died, therapy helped my Mom a great deal, and now she is happily remarried to a wonderful man. I suppose you cannot put a timeline on things like this, but it can and WILL get better. We are here if you need to talk about your grief. Once again, I am terribly sorry that you lost your wife. You must have loved her very much.
     
  3. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I'm sorry for your situation. I wish I had something valuable to say, but I'm afraid I don't.

    peanut, it won't always get better. It cannot always even get better. If you truly loved the person, it won't get better.
     
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    That is very far from being true Hai-Gi. My mother truly loved my father with every fiber of her being, as did I. But time does help. Of course she will never get over my father, and when she sees certain pictures of him, her eyes get all teary and she gets a far-away look, but that doesn't mean that she cannot ever love again. It does not mean that her life has to be over. Nor is mine. I loved him more than I could ever express, but as time goes on, you can think about that person and instead of crying your eyes out, you find yourself smiling at who they were, at the memories you have. Love does last forever, but thankfully, time helps. So does knowing that you will be together again after death.
     
  5. Betterometer

    Betterometer Guest

    You have to ask youself if she was still alive, would she be berating you to go talk to and associate with other women and find new love? I really think she'd want you to move on.
     
  6. Although you may not want to hear this, forget about your pain for just a single second. If you can't, it's understandable. Think about this, though. What would your wife want for you? What would she want you to do? Be honest with yourself.
     
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    True. Also hai-gi, you would be shocked at what you are emotionally capable of if you know that the deceased person would want you to move on and be happy. Real love is about wanting the person you love to be as happy as possible, even if you happen to die. Real love is also trying to honor that person's wishes and memory by doing your very best to make the most of your life even after they are gone. You will never stop loving that person, but you CAN be happy again, knowing that they are at peace and by living your life to the fullest.
     
  8. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    When I talked about love, above, I meant love between partners, not love that a child holds for her parents, nor any other form of love.

    You're going to disagree, of course, but this is a definite belief of mine, which I never could alter in the least. If you truly loved someone (a partner), you cannot and won't get better.
     
  9. rnv907

    rnv907 Member

    I did love again... I experienced being cheated on.. being lied to..taken advantage of and the woman was even jealous of my late wife and daughter. She was Bi-Polar and I couldn't fix her either.. I lost one to cancer and the other to me not being able to cope with her ilness either.... I don't understand the lesson I'm supposed to be learning here!!!1
     
  10. rnv907

    rnv907 Member

    I never experienced any of that with my late wife. Or my real wife I should say
     
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Sorry I mis-spelled your name :) And yes, I do disagree. That is not to say that I understand the process of grieving for a partner, nor do I ever wish to. The thought makes me sick to my stomach. But I have seen that it is possible. My Mother was very nearly destroyed by the death of my Father, but she made it through with my help. She couldn't get out of bed, shower, etc. She didn't wash the sheets for months because they still smelled like him. It was heartbreaking. I think our faith had a lot to do with being able to move on, as we know we will all be reunited in the hereafter. This life is but the blink of an eye.
     
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear that you lost your wife... my heart goes out to you..

    I lost my mom when i was 15 and i do know that you can never really get over them but what peanut said is true...

    I myself am dying but if i had a husband that truly loved me i wopuld even try to help him find another to take the place of me because i would not want him to be in pain over losing me.. I would want him to be happy not miserable and i would let him know that its okay to give his love to another but when its his turn to come home to heaven then i would be there waiting on him..

    :hug: you can pm me if you need to..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2007
  13. Fair enough. I realized I responded "wrongly" after I sent the message. However, when you sent me a PM saying "Read on... Thanks" I took it as, "Re-read my post, thanks." in a sarcastic manner. My response to that lies in the fact that there is no feeling in typed words, so they must be interpreted rather than known.

    I was wrong in my response. However, I'm glad that you responded the way you did. Now I know I was not in error. You are vindictive. And quite frankly, you only care about yourself, in my opinion.

    Do what you will. It's evident you do not want, nor do you need help.

    And if I'm not banned, don't PM me. Why would you? We are all here to help, with nothing to hide. Correct?

    THE SECRETS MUST END NOW. SECRETS KILL.
     
  14. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    well that doesnt sound like a very helpful post
     
  15. Maybe so, maybe not. Who is anyone to judge accept the one who receives the message?
     
  16. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Well, I think you are being judgmental and unfair. The man is obviously in a great deal of pain.
     
  17. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    sorry peanut and others did not mean to sound too judgemental

    backs out of this thread before i get into trouble or hurt someone
     
  18. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    :hug: Susan. I was not talking about you, but about the person you were responding to :) You were absolutely correct.
     
  19. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    but i was judging

    in a way ????

    and i apologize for that..
     
  20. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    We are all guilty of that, and I think that in a forum like this it is sometimes necessary to tell people when they have crossed a certain line to prevent people from being hurt.
     
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