my wife of 20yrs cheated and left me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tenholehweels, Jun 13, 2011.

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  1. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    6 months ago, and i really can't think of a reason to go on.

    i am 41 and disabled and can't work, i can't afford to feed myself
    and pay my bills,due to the breakup my 2 sons hate me..

    the only thing in my life any good at all is my daughter,she is 6
    but due to my wifes infidelity i can't get it out of my head that
    maybe even she isn't mine.

    i cry all the time,i still love my wife and wear my ring..but she
    says she wants me to die anyway.

    i suffer from MS. and a brain tumor..i'm in pain all the time
    and since i live so far away from any decent medical care
    i can't afford the drive to my neurologist.


    i really don't want to live anymore,there is no reason to
    continue this pain.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I'm really sorry for all you're going through!

    Do you get any disability money? That might help with the medical care, and even with transportation.

    You do have a reason to keep going. Your daughter needs you in her life. Cling to that for now, when you're feeling really bad.

    Here if you need to talk. I'm on disability due to blindness, so I might be able to help point you in the right direction, depending on where you live.
     
  3. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    This is what I see: You love your daughter. You still love your wife. You do not fear death. You are kind, forgiving and strong…

    What matters is that your daughter loves you! Please ignore the thought you have about that maybe she’s not yours…

    Do the best you can about your health condition. Let the nature take its course. Miracles may even happen when you surrender to life…

    Kindest wishes!
     
  4. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    yes i get some disability, but its not enough to pay my mortgage,
    lights,everything..

    and no i don't fear death,due to some errors in judgement early in
    life i became accustomed to seeing it..

    you see, i come from a twice broken home,had an uncle shoot himself
    for the same reasons i have,one of my sons is actually my wifes son
    from here first marriage although i raised him since he was 4yrs old
    but he believes his mothers lies, my other son is a mess he has a bad
    ventricular valve and is bipolar borderline schizophrenic he sticks to
    his mother because she gives him money.

    you start to wonder about everything in your life when someone you
    have invested your whole life into..i gave her everything..even when i got
    sick i tried to work and did all the housework,childcare everything anything
    to try to keep her happy..but my illness progressed and when i could no
    longer satisfy her sexually..i know i was in trouble.

    my niece told me she had an idea that my wife was cheating but i told
    her no..she just has a friend don't be dramatic!! well i was wrong

    so i sit here looking at the walls can't work,no one will want me
    since i'm sick and broke,my children don't want me,i live in a tiny
    little hick town were everyone knows what happened and i have to
    see her and him together constantly.

    and the few people not friends i have no friends really they don't anything
    to do with me..i'm a pariah. .i immersed
    myself in my home and family,no i have no family i'm an only
    child my mother is in the nursing home with alzheimers she doesn't know
    me anymore..my fathers dead,my uncles dead.

    i see death as a warm inviting friend..my only friend the only one
    who truly wants to see me..calling me home..
     
  5. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    What if the soul’s choice is that you live and experience life through the human form no matter what until the body is ready to go? I cannot prove this to be true, but you know it is a possibility. What I have learned is that our human experiences are for us to learn lessons...to let go of our attachments to things (anything, including people)...not to avoid experiences...

    You are aware of your thoughts and that awareness is that which can be in contact with the soul. Watch your mind and let it go quiet (which may not be easy). Your awareness (the real you) may be in direct contact with the soul. I cannot describe how, but you will know it when it’s happening…
     
  6. Craig

    Craig Banned Member

    Im sorry that your in such a bad place right now. Suicide isnt the answer though. You can get through this and be happy again. I know its hard and you dont see a way out right now but it will get better.
     
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member


    I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through :(
    I don't see the point in continuing with my life either- so you're not alone.
    I hope you can somehow find the will to keep holding on though.
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know there are no words that will take away all the hurt you're going through right now. But I do hope you find the strength to keep holding on.

    You mentioned not having any friends or family. I found out soon after I joined, that this site can be a place to make friends, to find people that you can trust and lean on in the worst times. I hope you'll let us try to help you through and support you.
     
  9. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    I have one friend in real life and i give him space.
    I have no family alive.
    I have two kids and have gone through a similiar situation.
    I have here and i feel safe.
     
  10. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    I was embarrassed to admit this in my post.

    2 months ago i tried through an overdose to take my life
    i was very close but ended up being found.

    I was in ICU but somehow survived, i spent a week in the psych ward
    it was a frightening experience to be watched and confined there.

    What makes it worse is that i had adopted my wife's family since
    i really had none of my own but she filled their heads with lies about
    me, told them that she wasn't seeing anyone that i was making it
    it up for sympathy.

    Although i provided all kinds of proof i still wasn't believed,it hurts
    so bad to looked at by people i trusted as a crazy man.
     
  11. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    oh damn your story makes me a sad panda :(
    i dont know what advice to give you i wish i would be more of an help. i just want to say im realy sorry for the stuff you are going trough.

    it seems that your wife is playing some nasty tricks on you, i mean wtf she is telling you she wants you to die ?! seriously, who says something like that ?

    as hard as it is i think you need to stop thinking about your relationship with her and focus on yourself and your kids. she clearly does not deserve you.

    sorry again
     
  12. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    I'm so tired of this, today the sheriff showed at my home.

    My wife had told them i was threatening her new boyfriend,
    i talked to the officer and told him that since i can hardly
    walk and her boyfriend is 6'5 i don't know what sort of threat
    i could be.

    The officer was very aggressive with me throwing threats around
    so i told him rather sternly to leave my property and to not return
    without a warrant, he said they were watching me.

    I know what this is, she is trying hard to push me into suicide
    and this won't stop until she gets what she wants.

    I might as well give it to her, maybe then she'll finally be happy.
     
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    There's nothing for you to be embarrassed about. There are a lot of people here who can relate to some of what you're feeling right now.

    I'm sorry that cop was so rude to you. He was definitely out of line.

    Please try not to hurt yourself.
     
  14. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    There is no need to be embarrassed…we can only hope some life experiences make us stronger…

    We cannot control what or how others think or believe, but we do have the power to choose what/how we think or believe. You know your wife was lying. Why not live and prove her wrong by being a rational man, instead of hurting yourself again??

    Why would you die for someone who wants you to die…??? Live to show her who/what you really are…and live for your daughter, too…

    hugs :hug:
     
  15. kobesunset

    kobesunset New Member

    What sucks is that you still love her. And there is nothing you can do about that. The heart works on its own. I guess the best you can do there is acknowledge that you still love her. Accept you feelings. No feelings are incorrect so just realize that you can't be wrong about how you feel.
     
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