My wife told me today she is filing divorce

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
Staff Alumni
#21
Hello Dinolaur. My wife has an autoimmune disorder. She that I cause her stress and tension so she is not getting any better. The illness is Lupus. I informed her I try not to cause any stress or tension for her yet that I have to deal with my own on my own. I walk on egg shells most of the day. Weekdays are not so bad as I work yet I have sat in my car outside the house for several minutes trying to get the nerve to go inside. Not very fun.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. No one should have to be scared to go home :( it should be your save space... lupus is tough. Sorry to hear she has that :( but doesn’t mean she should be taking it all out on you like this. But if you’re both unhappy it may be the best thing to do just this. I hope you feel better about the situation soon and that you’ll keep us all updated x
 
#22
Im sorry, mate. I have been there before. I am once divorced, and now remarried, and my husband has already once asked for a divorce. It is a certain kind of low that is very hard to navigate, You aren't alone and I hope you feel safe tonight.


I have not been on this site for a while. I was just told today that by my wife she is filing divorce. We have been married for 18 years. I am now worrying about where I will go and being alone in my life. I am now 60 and it is tough to be alone.
I don't think the marriage can be saved. I started working on my sworn financial statement today. My stomach is in knots and my head is swimming with thoughts. I logically know I will survive this yet emotionally it is taking a toll.
I
 

mpk

Well-Known Member
#23
Im sorry, mate. I have been there before. I am once divorced, and now remarried, and my husband has already once asked for a divorce. It is a certain kind of low that is very hard to navigate, You aren't alone and I hope you feel safe tonight.
HelenHighWater, Thanks for your response. I am also divorced one before. I was in a dark place for many years after it. I don't want to go there again so I am trying to be proactive i.e. gathering financial info, looking for an apartment etc. I am safe I just come home eat dinner and go to another bedroom to watch tv and sleep. I am certainly not looking forward to the weekend because my wife usually does not bad news stuff on the weekend.
 

mpk

Well-Known Member
#24
Update:: still waiting for the other shoe to fall. No paperwork yet no Court yet. Still looking for an apartment if needed. Physical pain and emotional pain is tough to deal with. Lawyer said a retainer is 5000.00 and the divorce legal fees could cost me 10000.00. Wow 10% of my net worth which at my age I will never recover. Keep wishing I would just move on in my sleep.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
SF Pro
#25
I cannot even imagine how hard this is especially having to be at home while as you said waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is good that you have talked to an attorney and are looking for an apartment if needed and are being pro-active as you say. For the weekend though know with covid is hard can you treat yourself to day trips somewhere just to not be in the house? Sending you *hugs
 
#26
Sending you best wishes *console I hope you can do it without a lawyer, but if you need to get one it's better than losing everything. I agree with Walker - do not leave your home. It should be your wife searching for apartments, as she is initiating the divorce!

I really feel for you - how long have you been the only breadwinner in your marriage? It's a cruel irony that someone who has supported their spouse financially can be forced to continue even if the spouse initiates a divorce. Do you own your house? If so, could you both sell the house and have each of you purchase a strata apartment? In my city apartments cost much less than houses. There is also seniors' housing (both owned and rental), government subsidized housing and co-ops. In my view, owning one's residence is so important in one's older years as rents can keep increasing unless you are lucky enough to get into deeply subsidized housing.

Your wife may have Lupus but it sounds like she is the one calling the shots and you need to make sure you stand up for yourself and your future. You are entitled to at least 50% of your assets. Do not let her make you afraid to go home at night.

My sister-in-law and her husband separated their house into a duplex and each live in one side. Of course they are amicable in order to have done this. I'm just saying there are options.
 
#27
Lawyer said a retainer is 5000.00 and the divorce legal fees could cost me 10000.00. Wow 10% of my net worth which at my age I will never recover.
I'm not sure if there is community legal aid available for divorces, but it might be worth looking into.

I think if the divorce is no-fault, uncontested, there may be a DIY legal option. Doing some research might save you a lot of money.
 

mpk

Well-Known Member
#29
Thanjk you all for responding. I appreciate the thoughts. I had an accident at work yesterday it was stupid. I tore the tailgate off a truck while unhooking a gooseneck trailer. Now I am worried about losing my job. I am looking at all the stuff I have and trying to figure out how to thin it out so I can move if needed without a lot of it.
A lot of the stuff are my books which I have collected over the years. I love them if that makes sense but they take up space. It is tough making decisions right now but trying to be proactive with them. I have joined an apartment finders website and there are several options but they are 60 minutes or more from work by car, another stress.
My left eye has floaters and a black crescent in my outside vision area, another stressor. I have an eye doctor appointment Thursday to look at it.
I am sorry about whining, my mental and physical health are stressing me.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
Staff Alumni
#30
Thanjk you all for responding. I appreciate the thoughts. I had an accident at work yesterday it was stupid. I tore the tailgate off a truck while unhooking a gooseneck trailer. Now I am worried about losing my job. I am looking at all the stuff I have and trying to figure out how to thin it out so I can move if needed without a lot of it.
A lot of the stuff are my books which I have collected over the years. I love them if that makes sense but they take up space. It is tough making decisions right now but trying to be proactive with them. I have joined an apartment finders website and there are several options but they are 60 minutes or more from work by car, another stress.
My left eye has floaters and a black crescent in my outside vision area, another stressor. I have an eye doctor appointment Thursday to look at it.
I am sorry about whining, my mental and physical health are stressing me.
Oh no mpk so sorry all this happening to you right now. So much stress on top of one another :(

why would that accident have you lose your job? Everyone makes mistakes, and as you said, it was an accident! Keep us updated on everything
 
#31
I had an accident at work
I hope they'll be understanding
I am looking at all the stuff I have and trying to figure out how to thin it out so I can move if needed without a lot of it.
A lot of the stuff are my books which I have collected over the years. I love them if that makes sense but they take up space. It is tough making decisions right now but trying to be proactive with them.
It's not clear that your wife is ever going to follow through with filing for divorce, so it may be good to also be prepared for that too. I don't think you have to get rid of things you value now just to be ready to make a move. Maybe you could have them packed in boxes or something, but I don't think it would be a good idea to get rid of things that you love if it's not clear that you have to.
I am sorry about whining
Please don't worry. Talking about things like this is what SF is for.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#32
Good to see all the support for you here. I am wondering why your wife would think a divorce is better than being alone? Would couples counseling help?
 

mpk

Well-Known Member
#33
Oh no mpk so sorry all this happening to you right now. So much stress on top of one another :(

why would that accident have you lose your job? Everyone makes mistakes, and as you said, it was an accident! Keep us updated on everything
Hello Dinolaur. I am still employed as of yesterday. Stressed most of the day with the accident, eye thing and wife issue. Thank you for your kindness.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
Staff Alumni
#34
Hello Dinolaur. I am still employed as of yesterday. Stressed most of the day with the accident, eye thing and wife issue. Thank you for your kindness.
I’m glad you’ve still got your job, that’l must feel such a relief. What’s going on with your eye?!
 

mpk

Well-Known Member
#35
Good to see all the support for you here. I am wondering why your wife would think a divorce is better than being alone? Would couples counseling help?
I hope they'll be understanding

It's not clear that your wife is ever going to follow through with filing for divorce, so it may be good to also be prepared for that too. I don't think you have to get rid of things you value now just to be ready to make a move. Maybe you could have them packed in boxes or something, but I don't think it would be a good idea to get rid of things that you love if it's not clear that you have to.

Please don't worry. Talking about things like this is what SF is for.
May71. Thank you for the response. I have gone through 1/2 of the boxes I have. I am rationalizing donating the books by saying that I have read them once or twice and to donate them to hopefully give joy to someone else. I have about 6 boxes so far to take to the donation place. I also through out 3 big trash bags of stuff.
I agree it is not clear whether she will file divorce or not but I am thinning out my stuff to make the move easier as right now I can only afford a studio apartment which also is not real cheap. I just sit and wait for the other shoe to fall.
 

mpk

Well-Known Member
#36
Good to see all the support for you here. I am wondering why your wife would think a divorce is better than being alone? Would couples counseling help?
Waves, thank you for your response. I don't know why my wife thinks a divorce is good at this time in both our lives but it is her choice and I really have no say in the situation as anyone can file for no reason. I have asked her about counseling for both of us yet she is not interested. She goes to her counselor and I go to mine.
 

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