My wonderful confession...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Sep 30, 2006.

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  1. Hm. I have a confession.

    Well not a confession, a secret to share.

    I don't know if i have an ED or whatever, but ill just explain what i do to myself other than selfharming.



    For the past few months now, especially recent weeks, i have been having fasting days, and then whenever i eat, i purge. Usually if i eat i binge eat, so its easier to bring up, but apparently i can die during a purging episode because of my insides ect. But that obviously didnt scare me, as thats obviously what i want to do, die.

    In the past 4 weeks of my hospitaliazedation, ive lost alot of weight, my mum says she sees a change in my body size, my sister, my family, but you know what? I DONT! I see fat, fat, fat URGH SO MUCH FAT EVERYWHERE!
    Whenever i look in the mirror, fat, whenever i look at myself in the bath, FAT, whenever i look at my legs, stomach, face, pictures of me on here, anywhere i look, all i see is FAT!

    So, i plan days where i wont eat at all, i plan days that i wont eat for a certain amount, and then force myself to eat, and then purge, then carry on starvation, ect ect. Thing is, i cant stop, i just cant, if i eat, i eat TOO much and purge, if i starve, i starve for a long time and then i see no change but a chubby fat ugly self in the mirror staring back at me, everyone else says its not true, but oh it is, IT IS! If you saw me you'd probably say 'OH LOOK AT HER, THE FAT UGLY BIATCH!'

    Urgh, getting out of control with typingg.... UMM HELP?:unsure:
     
  2. delicateshadow

    delicateshadow Antiquitie's Friend

    How can we help?

    It sounds like your feelings are distorting your body image. and its hard for you to see yourself as you really are.

    I know what its like to feel ugly...but I bet you're not ugly at all...

    keep talking to us about what's going on, if that helps...
     
  3. justme107

    justme107 Active Member

    I'm a little lagging on posting this. I know how hard body image can be. There's no logic to it. No rationality. Everything says you're skinny -- your clothes size, your mom, whatever -- but you can't convince yourself of it if your mind won't let you. :hug: :rose: I wish you peace, a settled mind, self-love. You deserve to live. It sounds like you're getting the help you need, so keep going. You can get better.
     
  4. Hey you two.
    Thanks for replying.
    I didnt even have time to read it as my computer time was limited.

    I have been much better lately, i dont purge, i havent in 2 months! I do sometimes skip meals, and weigh myself everyday, and get obsessed over it, i even count calories sometimes, i see myself as fat, but its not as bad as before;
    fasting for days on end, purging, restricting my fluid intake, aswell as the ones i do now.

    Thankyou two for replying! Big hugs.:arms: :hug:
     
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