S
Hm. I have a confession.
Well not a confession, a secret to share.
I don't know if i have an ED or whatever, but ill just explain what i do to myself other than selfharming.
For the past few months now, especially recent weeks, i have been having fasting days, and then whenever i eat, i purge. Usually if i eat i binge eat, so its easier to bring up, but apparently i can die during a purging episode because of my insides ect. But that obviously didnt scare me, as thats obviously what i want to do, die.
In the past 4 weeks of my hospitaliazedation, ive lost alot of weight, my mum says she sees a change in my body size, my sister, my family, but you know what? I DONT! I see fat, fat, fat URGH SO MUCH FAT EVERYWHERE!
Whenever i look in the mirror, fat, whenever i look at myself in the bath, FAT, whenever i look at my legs, stomach, face, pictures of me on here, anywhere i look, all i see is FAT!
So, i plan days where i wont eat at all, i plan days that i wont eat for a certain amount, and then force myself to eat, and then purge, then carry on starvation, ect ect. Thing is, i cant stop, i just cant, if i eat, i eat TOO much and purge, if i starve, i starve for a long time and then i see no change but a chubby fat ugly self in the mirror staring back at me, everyone else says its not true, but oh it is, IT IS! If you saw me you'd probably say 'OH LOOK AT HER, THE FAT UGLY BIATCH!'
Urgh, getting out of control with typingg.... UMM HELP?:unsure:
Well not a confession, a secret to share.
I don't know if i have an ED or whatever, but ill just explain what i do to myself other than selfharming.
For the past few months now, especially recent weeks, i have been having fasting days, and then whenever i eat, i purge. Usually if i eat i binge eat, so its easier to bring up, but apparently i can die during a purging episode because of my insides ect. But that obviously didnt scare me, as thats obviously what i want to do, die.
In the past 4 weeks of my hospitaliazedation, ive lost alot of weight, my mum says she sees a change in my body size, my sister, my family, but you know what? I DONT! I see fat, fat, fat URGH SO MUCH FAT EVERYWHERE!
Whenever i look in the mirror, fat, whenever i look at myself in the bath, FAT, whenever i look at my legs, stomach, face, pictures of me on here, anywhere i look, all i see is FAT!
So, i plan days where i wont eat at all, i plan days that i wont eat for a certain amount, and then force myself to eat, and then purge, then carry on starvation, ect ect. Thing is, i cant stop, i just cant, if i eat, i eat TOO much and purge, if i starve, i starve for a long time and then i see no change but a chubby fat ugly self in the mirror staring back at me, everyone else says its not true, but oh it is, IT IS! If you saw me you'd probably say 'OH LOOK AT HER, THE FAT UGLY BIATCH!'
Urgh, getting out of control with typingg.... UMM HELP?:unsure: