Everything seems to be falling apart. I have advanced in my cancer from one anti-hormone to two , and they are both in failure again. The new one /second one failed within a week. It was supposed to last 9 months. AM getting leukaphoresis to take out my T-cells and send them away to be treated and then returned for transfusion back into me. Have to do 3 cycles of it. Everything is so difficult during the procedures. Theleuka phoresis lasts more than 4hours on the table/bed with IV's in both arms and inability to get up to go to the bath room. And the transfusion procedures last more than 3 hours and i have had difficulty getting from the waiting infusion waiting room to the infusion room on time, due to their congestion. I got so upset on the first round , i had a panic attack in the infusion waiting room and nearly passed out. I will next be going ont a couple of very , very expensive drugs to try to prolong my life. But the new drugs cost upward of $ 8,000.00 per month , and i do not want to thro all of the money away on adding a few months of life. I am considering refusing the drugs. Am thinking that my wife will need that money after I am gone. And, I do not expect to last much longer. There are a few trials available , which could be some help. I do not know how far those are along. Seems as it doesn't matter much any more. I am in so much pain. I am usually in pain from sciatica , spinal stenosis and cancer in my spine. I had a fall recently and have been hurting in my hands , arms and legs. Recently the pain is so bad I can not even use my cane to walk - since i injured my arms so badly. I have been in s much pain I have not been able to sleep. I had to stop all pain opiates in order to qualify for the leukaphoresis based T-cell medicine. So, I have been more than 5 months without any opiates, and previously I had been on opiates for 20 years . My pain level is exceptional. If anyone can make any suggestions , I would appreciate it. I feel so lost.