my worst fear

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by qwert, Dec 18, 2007.

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  1. qwert

    qwert Member

    is not to succeed, to wake up in the hospital and have to explain why.
    i wish no one cared. i wish i didn't have family.i wish i was alone in the world.
    then i will do what i want and not try to do what they wan't and then hide my faileures.
    i'm gonnaa try today
    i'll leave a note explaining why. i'm not able to orally tell them
     
  2. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Hey, please let us know more about how you are feeling. Let it out. Let us help.

    People are here for you that understand. Have been where you are.
     
  3. qwert

    qwert Member

    have you ever wanted not to have a family, to be alone?
     
  4. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Of course! Sometimes you just want to be alone and rest. And then a family member gets angry because he feels 'ignored', or because he thinks you are lazy, and dumps guilt all over you. But it's not just that. There's also all the annoying judgments and idiotic expectations your family has for you. Sometimes I get the feeling family members don't care at all about you; they care about what they see in you and what they want you to be.

    qwert, you are no failure. Your grades fell not because you are lazy, but because of depression. You could just tell that to your parents and give them some readings about depression. Maybe they'll understand.
    And if they don't, you can say to hell with them and get a job and live on your own.
    You're no failure.
     
  5. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Being misunderstood is very painful. My family did not understand me when I was younger, and still do not. Sometimes, they unintentionally or intentionally hurt you. Maybe they want you to succeed and do not understand the pressure and pain they are inflicting. Maybe they have regrets about their own lives and want you to live out what they missed. Who knows? In any case, it is normal to want to spend time by yourself and get a freedom from all the pressure. As far as lying or whatever in your past-your past is your past even if it was yesterday. Forgive yourself and move on. We all have a "shadow" side, we all are imperfect. Hugs....hang in there.

    People told me when I left home, I would miss my parents. That never happened. I have always had a sense of relief at having some space (does not mean I do not love them). I understand them better and have grown to forgive them and me but still love my own space.
     
  6. qwert

    qwert Member

    1.i didn't meen i want some time apart from my family, i want to never see or talk to them again. sometimes i fantasize about a car accident where they all die. i know it's wrong but i really can't say i love or care about them.
    2.my grades aren't bad because i am deppressed. i wasn't deppresed then. i am depressed now because of my grades.

    i keep thinking maybe the bus i'm in will get in a car accident or explode or some robber will shot me. i wish it really could happen
     
  7. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    I've had those two fantasies so many times :mellow:.

    qwert, if your family stifles and suffocates you, maybe there's nothing wrong in wanting to never see them again.
     
  8. qwert

    qwert Member

    my problem is i never tell them what i really feel.
    i lie and tell them what i tjink they want to hear, that everything is alright.
    i can't find the courage to tell them the truth because they will be very angry.or that is what i imagine.
    i come from a very educated background. not just my family but all their friends and everybody around. education is very important., and having a degree. and they tell me about it. i can't even imagine telling them i won't be getting a degree
    so i ignore the truth and postpone telling the truth but i can't postpone anymore, so i want to run instead of dealling with it
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2007
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