Im an 18 year old attending a college where i have barely any friends. I hide the fact that im gay and everyday i ask myself, why i am this way and what did i do to deserve it? I've resorted to doing things i'd never thought i'd be doing just to not be lonely and hanging out with people who clearly use me for money,drugs, and other stupid shit. I find it hard to make friends because i get along better with girls and noone here even thinks im remotely gay. My lifes basically a lie and i hide who i truly am. I'm not able to transfer because of the scholarship, its either here or be home and anythings better than home. Everytime i look anything up online all i ever see is "It gets better". Such complete bullshit, it never did, and i doubt its going to. Whats the point anymore if theres such little good and so much bad in your life. I dont see why id want to continue through this shit anymore. They say people who kill themselves go to hell, gays cant go to heaven anyway can they? .. I dont know if were suppose to post these things but i just want peoples views/oppionions. Sorry for having to rant about this, just had to "let it all out".