I have, or atleast previously had very narcissistic tendencies. And it was at these times I was happiest. I honestly don't know if it was to the point of being unhealthy. But it was beneficial to a certain extent. Up until I was around 15/16 I always thought I could do no wrong. I used to be the best, or atleast good at everything I told myself was important, and anything which I could not do well was just 'stupid, lame and not worth'. I felt like people were privelleged to have my company. As delusional as it sounds, it was a genuine belief. And paradoxically I think it showed in my confident demeanour, which ended up having people drawn to me and enjoy my company. And this only reinforced my original beliefs. It was a circular pattern of self love. However, something happened. I suddenly realised I wasn't great. I realised my thinking was flawed. I looked at my many faults objectively. And it was like the world had come crashing down. Instead of being all good, I suddenly felt like a complete loser. ALL BAD. And this kind of thought has persisted to this day. What I am interested in, is others peoples experiences with 'self love'. Do the other happy extroverts think how I used to, and that is what makes them happy? Or did I myself somehow miss out on healthy levels of narcissism that most have, and instead of progressing and developing self esteem, I went on to feel worthless because of not being perfect? And to the people who have been depressed for a long time - do you ever remember the feeling of narcissism? Did you ever have it? Personally, I want that feeling back. Even if it's childish, even if it makes me a jerk. I want to walk around like I have a stick up my ass, infatuated with myself. It's much better than moping around at home feeling to ashamed to even go to the shops.