Narcissism and depression

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by SadDude87, Mar 20, 2008.

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  1. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    I have, or atleast previously had very narcissistic tendencies. And it was at these times I was happiest. I honestly don't know if it was to the point of being unhealthy. But it was beneficial to a certain extent.

    Up until I was around 15/16 I always thought I could do no wrong. I used to be the best, or atleast good at everything I told myself was important, and anything which I could not do well was just 'stupid, lame and not worth'. I felt like people were privelleged to have my company. As delusional as it sounds, it was a genuine belief. And paradoxically I think it showed in my confident demeanour, which ended up having people drawn to me and enjoy my company. And this only reinforced my original beliefs. It was a circular pattern of self love.

    However, something happened. I suddenly realised I wasn't great. I realised my thinking was flawed. I looked at my many faults objectively. And it was like the world had come crashing down. Instead of being all good, I suddenly felt like a complete loser. ALL BAD. And this kind of thought has persisted to this day.

    What I am interested in, is others peoples experiences with 'self love'. Do the other happy extroverts think how I used to, and that is what makes them happy? Or did I myself somehow miss out on healthy levels of narcissism that most have, and instead of progressing and developing self esteem, I went on to feel worthless because of not being perfect? And to the people who have been depressed for a long time - do you ever remember the feeling of narcissism? Did you ever have it?

    Personally, I want that feeling back. Even if it's childish, even if it makes me a jerk. I want to walk around like I have a stick up my ass, infatuated with myself. It's much better than moping around at home feeling to ashamed to even go to the shops.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2008
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    There is healthy narcissism and unhealthy narcissism. My father is an example of unhealthy/abusive/extreme example of "a narcissist". People like my father don't genuinely like themselves though, they hate themselves and start bullying people.

    I love myself in a way that I'm trying to figure out who I am and who I am not. Sometimes this might mean saying things that people will not like- which is new for me as I've always put others' feelings ahead of my own. I have to, because I feel a lot of things trying to dominate me, I feel a lot of things trying to categorise me and "kill" me in terms of killing what I have inside of me- which is something that always wants to change, develop and grow. I think I've got a lot going for me. I have to have a boundary between me and others. I have to know who I am because all my life I've been effected by others and them telling me I'm useless, or I'm just extremely sensitive to people trying to overpower, or power in general because of my father.

    I'm not a 'happy extrovert.' I'm very introverted but can also be very "out there" when I'm manic or just feeling sociable. I'm not depressed at the moment but am struggling. But I do like myself. It's self love- in a way that is good, as I do have anorexia and other self destructive tendencies that have nearly killed me. It's taking care of myself and not hurting myself.

    People might think I come across as someone who thinks I'm great and perfect..? But I don't. I've been told I always have a very "quiet confidence." I've always had some sense of self esteem inside of me. Of "you're not touching this part of me." I think I've gone through a lot of shit that has got nothing to do with me and am trying to put responsibility where it belongs. To love yourself doesn't mean you have to be infatuated with yourself...and even then, there's nothing wrong with going around thinking you're great and wonderful.
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2008
  3. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    i think it's 'interesting' how narcissism and religion tend to go so hand in hand...
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