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near attempt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tired82, Dec 15, 2008.

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  1. tired82

    tired82 Well-Known Member

    last night I had a sever depression mood. really wanted to all my meds at once & finish whatever booze was around the house. I was taken over by a overwhelming sense of grief, hopelessness, etc, yet I was sober enough to write an almost complete suicide note. Whether fortunately, or unfortunately, a friend was able to talk me out of it, for the night at least.

    Originally I had hoped she'd assist me in suicide, but she's adamant about not doing so. This does stall my plans, as I would wallow in despair for the time being. Everyone tells me that you can't predict what the future will bring, but for someone who has gone through life in a haze, it's hard to imagine the future as a bright place filled with possibilities.

    I've failed or attempted badly at everything in my life. And the recent failed relationship seems to be a sign that the best thing to come into my life will elude me simply because I'm stuck in this pit that is my life. I believe in fate, and whatever fate has planned for me seems like a cruel joke, torturing me. Yet I don't know how to pick myself up and walk out of this darkness.

    If I don't have the nerve to take my own life, at least I can accept living out my life in misery, waiting for nature to do the job for me. I don't expect anyone to tell give me a pep talk - we've all heard it before, and it doesn't work well on me anymore.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I won't pep talk you since that isn't my style but what I will say is that what you have heard about no one knowing about the future, is right. And yet that also means that there is a possibility that things can improve. You won't know unless you keep trying. At least when your old then you could say you tried your best.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just to send you caring thoughts in the hope you are feeling better today...big hugs, J
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