I post on these forums all the time. People say it's good that I'm reaching out for help, like it's one step towards the end of this long road of depression. I've been like this way too long. Getting to talk to people about this helps. I don't like talking about this in person, and I don't know what it would be like talking to someone I don't know, but to definitely to my mom it's not something I like to do. Especially when she still talks to me like I'm 5. It pisses me off. I just walk away from her when she tries to talk about, it at all possible. Sometimes it's not possible anymore because of what has gone down. Wednesday night. Bottle of xxxx by the time dad noticed, if at all, it would be too late. I planned to take them Thursday morning. I was ready to end my life. Parents went to bed. I had them hidden. I grabbed them and was sitting at my desk with them. I was about to go put them in the car. Then, mom randomly walks out of her room. I had the door wide open. Stupid of me, I know, but if I didn't I probably wouldn't even have heard her come out. I threw the pills in my jacket's pocket, but she saw me. She made me show them to her. Instead of the usual soft emotional whatever the fuck talk, she yelled at me. She was tired of all of this, that it was one thing after another with me. Grounded I am, for long time I assume. I've asked how long I'm grounded, she said maybe I should start talking about what I was doing with the pills. She assumes I was taking it. I told her I was giving them to someone. She doesn't believe me. Earlier I had lied about a ticket that I got. Actually, my brother got the ticket, but it was my fault, dumbass seatbelt shit. Anyways, she read something on Facebook, I just said some bs which I don't think she really believed, but she took it and just said whatever. After all that mess with the pills, she had searched my phone, and found out I was lying about the ticket. Another thing to add to the list. Today, she decides she wants to clean out my closet. That shit has not been touched for who knows how long, and it's a complete mess. She always tells me I should clean it, but I don't. She would never to that herself. But, she did. She told me she cleaned out my closet, and right away I thought, 'Oh fuck.' And yep, she found my two lighters, my pipe, and a little weed I had left. There's another thing. I left to go somewhere right after she told me. Yes, I'm grounded, but it was with my brother, so I was allowed to go, since he's some perfect child. So she hasn't said anything to me about it otherwise. So multiply that all by probably 20 or so, and it'll equal all the things in my life that I've gotten in trouble for. It's just time after time. I fucking hate my life. I get in trouble for everything. All this bad shit just keeps happening to me. She knows I was going to take those pills. She won't believe my lies. But she should realize that yelling and screaming at me about it, only makes me want to take them more. I barely ever am home alone without my parents now, because of all of this, but tomorrow I have no school, dad is out of town, and mom is at work. It's an open wonderland. I don't know if I'll be able to resist xxxxxxxxx because I can't take one more god damn minute of this life. Chances are my dad probably took the pills or moved them so that I couldn't get my hands on them. I'm going to have to do something. Always getting in trouble... Don't go anywhere.. No friends... I haven't left the house in months except for going to school, work, or somewhere with my brother. High school is supposed to be the greatest years of your life. You look back and remember all the good times you had with your friends. I don't have any of those. No friends or good times with friends. Nothing. When's it gonna be my turn? What I thought was going to be two paragraphs at the most, turned into this. I just sit her and start my post and then it never stops. But there is so much to say. One cannot describe all my troubles in two paragraphs, there has to be many many paragraphs, just like I have written here. I can't take this anymore. There are some things I know I will be missing out on, but at this point I really don't care. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but if nothing good happens, it may be the end of the road.