Nearing the End of my Rope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SlimShady0021, Sep 21, 2007.

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  1. SlimShady0021

    SlimShady0021 New Member

    I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I'm in my senior year of college. It's my 5th year and I've been alone the entire time. High School Sucked, College Sucked, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do if this goes on throughout my adulthood. I've always been that anti-social kid. In college I figured I would turn it around, don't go out like a coward, no one respects a fucking coward. I join a fraternity, a great one too, not some piece of shit social club. I defeat my social anxiety, I pump iron and reach a somewhat decent weight though I'm still skinny as fuck. I try everything, I freakin chat it up with every other girl, collect numbers left and right but still-nothing. I'm living in a frat house, there's a party going on down-stairs and I still can't get any. I've banged two girls my entire life and I'm 22 years old. I'm so God damn pothetic, I'm letting everyone down. First in the family to go to college, I thought I'd make them proud, I fucking failed and I hate myself for it. I suspect my family even thinks I'm gay now, even though I'm the most straight guy I know, nothing feminine about me in the least. No emotions, no lisp, nothing yet they think I'm gay-why? because i can't get a girlfriend. They're not saying it, I know they think it sometimes though. Why am I not good enough? I'm ambitious, I appear confident sometimes, I've forced myself to become outgoing, I go to parties where I'm surrounded by drunk women, yet I'm alone. Why? Why can't I go back downstairs and get with some random girl like everyone else. All that fake confidence I've been throwing out there is diminishing, I'm about to give up all together and I can't think of a single reason why I shouldn't. Maybe I should just kill myself and get it over with. Do what's expected of me and take the God damn short cut, walk right up to my Lord and Savior then ask him what I did to piss him off before he finishes the job off. I fooled everyone, they all thought I had it under control, maybe he's fucking content with being alone, I'm so tired though. When is this shit going to end. Am I really that ugly?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Not having a go here Slim but your post smacks of wanting to get laid rather than actually really wanting to get to know someone.
    A girlfriend isn't a trophy or an object to own, she wants someone who really wants to get to know her and care about her.
    Perhaps backing off a bit and getting some female friends would help.
  3. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Sorry Slim don't mean to gang up on yah, but I tend to agree with Terry there. Girls aren't meant to be used for one thing and they certainly aren't to be owned, but to be loved.
    Make friends first, sometimes friendships lead to the greatest romances
  5. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    Oh i can so agree w/ that, sometimes even not so good friendships can lead to romances, its weird but it has happened! :biggrin:
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