I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I'm in my senior year of college. It's my 5th year and I've been alone the entire time. High School Sucked, College Sucked, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do if this goes on throughout my adulthood. I've always been that anti-social kid. In college I figured I would turn it around, don't go out like a coward, no one respects a fucking coward. I join a fraternity, a great one too, not some piece of shit social club. I defeat my social anxiety, I pump iron and reach a somewhat decent weight though I'm still skinny as fuck. I try everything, I freakin chat it up with every other girl, collect numbers left and right but still-nothing. I'm living in a frat house, there's a party going on down-stairs and I still can't get any. I've banged two girls my entire life and I'm 22 years old. I'm so God damn pothetic, I'm letting everyone down. First in the family to go to college, I thought I'd make them proud, I fucking failed and I hate myself for it. I suspect my family even thinks I'm gay now, even though I'm the most straight guy I know, nothing feminine about me in the least. No emotions, no lisp, nothing yet they think I'm gay-why? because i can't get a girlfriend. They're not saying it, I know they think it sometimes though. Why am I not good enough? I'm ambitious, I appear confident sometimes, I've forced myself to become outgoing, I go to parties where I'm surrounded by drunk women, yet I'm alone. Why? Why can't I go back downstairs and get with some random girl like everyone else. All that fake confidence I've been throwing out there is diminishing, I'm about to give up all together and I can't think of a single reason why I shouldn't. Maybe I should just kill myself and get it over with. Do what's expected of me and take the God damn short cut, walk right up to my Lord and Savior then ask him what I did to piss him off before he finishes the job off. I fooled everyone, they all thought I had it under control, maybe he's fucking content with being alone, I'm so tired though. When is this shit going to end. Am I really that ugly?