i was so close i nearly suceeeded in commiting suicide a week ago, but my mum found me. apparantly my face was blue. went to intensive care in hospital, gave me oxygen and had drips and all sorts, they revived me. they gave me a brain scan incase i had brain damage but i didn't. i left a note beside me asking not to revive me if found before death incase of brain damage. they ignored that. went on to psych ward, sadistic nurses. made an escape, ran out and all the way home in slipppers and dressing gown, i'm totally nuts. i am so ill still, still very much suicidal and very angry that my attempt did not succeed. i cannot now get the privacy to do it again. it was great, no pain. i would have just died. i can't bear to live anymore. no quality of life, pain and suffering. no energy or motivation to do anything. no pleasure in anything. i can't even cry any more, too exhausting. i'm so upset and angry that my attempt did not succeed. my mum never comes into my room - she said she usuallly assumes i'm sleeping. it was a freak occurance that she opened the door. i will have to go again somewhere where nobody will find me. not my mum anyway. christ knows where. i haven't the energy at the minute to make my plans or hardly move out of bed.