nearly succeeded this time

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by gforce7, May 10, 2008.

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  1. gforce7

    gforce7 Active Member

    i was so close i nearly suceeeded in commiting suicide a week ago, but my mum found me. apparantly my face was blue. went to intensive care in hospital, gave me oxygen and had drips and all sorts, they revived me. they gave me a brain scan incase i had brain damage but i didn't. i left a note beside me asking not to revive me if found before death incase of brain damage. they ignored that. went on to psych ward, sadistic nurses. made an escape, ran out and all the way home in slipppers and dressing gown, i'm totally nuts.

    i am so ill still, still very much suicidal and very angry that my attempt did not succeed. i cannot now get the privacy to do it again. it was great, no pain. i would have just died. i can't bear to live anymore. no quality of life, pain and suffering. no energy or motivation to do anything. no pleasure in anything. i can't even cry any more, too exhausting.

    i'm so upset and angry that my attempt did not succeed. my mum never comes into my room - she said she usuallly assumes i'm sleeping. it was a freak occurance that she opened the door. i will have to go again somewhere where nobody will find me. not my mum anyway. christ knows where. i haven't the energy at the minute to make my plans or hardly move out of bed.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    wow i am so sorry to read about your latest attempt, and the poor treatment you received at the hospital. is there someone you like and trust that you can go to? someone who will take care of you for a few days, and keep you company while you figure out your options, and i'm talking about options OTHER than suicide, 'cos i really don't want you to try again. do you know about maytree (in london) - you could google them. maybe there's something similar in the north, a place to re-gather strength that is *not* a hospital. please be safe.

    you are incredibly strong to have survived so far, and you are a remarkable person (even though you don't believe anything good about yourself right now). please hang on to some of that strength to see you through the coming days.
     
  3. gforce7

    gforce7 Active Member

    thankyou dazzle, but i'm done. spent.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    nope. i know you feel tired, desperate, finished. but i have to tell you that your life is worth something, and this planet would be so much poorer without you in it.

    for now, when you are in such a desperate place, it's just about being safe. that's all i'm asking of you, that you find somewhere safe, make a nest, and rest. let yourself begin to heal. no making big decisions (like the life and death kind). just rest and recover.
     
  5. gforce7

    gforce7 Active Member

    i think this is very good advice. thankyou for taking the time to post this. i will try to follow this, i guess my body is still in shock from the severe treatment i received and needs to recover...'a healthy mind in a healthy body' and all that.

    cheers dazzle. u are a kind and caring, compassionate person. i wish the world was filled with people like you! it would be a much nicer place to live in

    lots of love and best wishes, gayle x
     
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