Dear eagle/chris,
I’ve read some of your other posts. You are such a warm loving soul…
Please remember that you do have a lot to live for…also for your bf…
I’m sorry that you’ve been going through a lot at such a young age. The wisdom in you is already shining out through your saying like “just be yourself and things will turn out as they turn out”…
My friend Nick is also a gay man and he made a video below which you may find helpful in a way:
http://vimeo.com/21947550
Nick has fought all his life about his sexual orientation. It was probably more difficult/painful to be gay when he was a young man. He even married a woman and had kids (lived a lie for a while). He is now a man with free spirit - liberated from the mind. His passion is to help other gay people, especially teenagers. He is surely glad that he has lived to this day…
The truth of life is that there is nothing wrong with your sexual orientation. It’s the ignorance of the human mind that has made nature of things (including our human nature) so complicated. Follow your heart and instinct. You have the right to live your life the way you are. It’s hard to live beyond others’ opinions/judgements, but all opinions/judgements are out of ignorance - this is the truth of life. This is beyond belief - we can see the truth of life when our mind is quiet and look deep within ourselves. Like my friend Nick, more and more people are awakening to the truth of life. There are many places in the world (such as where I live) where people are quite open-minded about being gay, etc…
No thoughts (opinions/judgements) are ultimately real or true except unconditional loving thoughts. Here is a song you may like:
Lady Gaga’s Born This Way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG0wi1m-89o
There is a lot of truth being told in the song.
A truthful life is being true to our heart - our true nature. Live for/as who you truly are...at least give yourself more time before that "final" decision...
With loving wishes and hugs :hug: