Chris if you are at that point time to get help okay go to hospital and tell them you need help now. YOu do not know what the future will bring you so please get some help so you can stay and see. Please call someone take you to hospital and get you to inpatient for awhile hugs
I want you to know that i'm here to help you, i may be hundreds of miles away however i'm with you - you seem to have a fighter within you since you've passed through 18 years - i believe in you - you have the power and you deserve happiness. By posting here 1% of you or even more wants you to live - i want to you to hold onto this part.
You are maybe thinking that by suiciding you will be relieved from pain, relief however is a feeling and you need to be alive in order to be able to feel. You will not feel this relief once you take your life.
Nick has fought all his life about his sexual orientation. It was probably more difficult/painful to be gay when he was a young man. He even married a woman and had kids (lived a lie for a while). He is now a man with free spirit - liberated from the mind. His passion is to help other gay people, especially teenagers. He is surely glad that he has lived to this day…
The truth of life is that there is nothing wrong with your sexual orientation. It’s the ignorance of the human mind that has made nature of things (including our human nature) so complicated. Follow your heart and instinct. You have the right to live your life the way you are. It’s hard to live beyond others’ opinions/judgements, but all opinions/judgements are out of ignorance - this is the truth of life. This is beyond belief - we can see the truth of life when our mind is quiet and look deep within ourselves. Like my friend Nick, more and more people are awakening to the truth of life. There are many places in the world (such as where I live) where people are quite open-minded about being gay, etc…
No thoughts (opinions/judgements) are ultimately real or true except unconditional loving thoughts. Here is a song you may like:
You tell your psychiatrist that you need help now that you are suicidal and you need to be hospitalized to keep you safe to get you stable Make him hear okay don't leave until you get hospital stay. hugs