It is stunning how big the universe is. That our my mind can not acknowledge. We'r just piece of sand in strom . The things that is possible or not. The mystery . The thing about thinking is true , how much you think you will be sad at same level. Why should i struggle with all this , loss , rejection , curse , loneliness . Why should i crack my head on universty to get a good life ? Sooner or later i will die. Why shouldnt i go to another page of eternity ? I dont believe in god why cant i find courage to do it ? Why cant i move on while im at bottom ? I'm at cycle of burst of despair . Im tired , i tried to move on with my life . Everything i touch is going bad , everything i do ends with disappointment . Hope has faild me enough times. Only thing i do is bury my head to virtuality.Well now im not sad . But im tired , bored. Why cant i find the courge to suicide .