Need a different point of wiev

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Grathkar, Dec 1, 2013.

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  1. Grathkar

    Grathkar New Member

    It is stunning how big the universe is. That our my mind can not acknowledge. We'r just piece of sand in strom . The things that is possible or not. The mystery .

    The thing about thinking is true , how much you think you will be sad at same level. Why should i struggle with all this , loss , rejection , curse , loneliness . Why should i crack my head on universty to get a good life ? Sooner or later i will die. Why shouldnt i go to another page of eternity ? I dont believe in god why cant i find courage to do it ? Why cant i move on while im at bottom ?

    I'm at cycle of burst of despair . Im tired , i tried to move on with my life . Everything i touch is going bad , everything i do ends with disappointment . Hope has faild me enough times. Only thing i do is bury my head to virtuality.Well now im not sad . But im tired , bored. Why cant i find the courge to suicide .
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member


    I'm guessing from your post you have never tried suicide, been close tho and are currently very close. Am I right? I'm going to go on the supposition that I am... and I'm gonna tell you this. I've tried it 7 times and I'm so close to my 8th time right now it scares me. Now, you ask why you can't find the courage... I refuse to lie to you and tell you that its because suicide is a selfish thing and not courageous at all. That is both an affront to me and anyone that has ever tried or succeeded in suicide as much as it is a flat out lie. Suicide is selfish in that it involves the person doing what they feel they need to do and putting that over and above what others may think/feel... but at the same time, its not selfish, because they are also hurting themselves, even though they dont view it in that way... therefore, they are not getting a reward while others suffer... they simply hope to not be around anymore period. Suicide is also courageous tho too in that it takes every ounce of strength you may still have within you psychologically and emotionally to even put for the effort to attempt it. Why is this? Is it because you are scared of death? Maybe, but not always. Is it because you are scared of the unknown? Maybe, but not always. Is it because you are scared of messing it up and ending up living in a coma or a vegetative state? Maybe, but not always. So what is the constant? That there is always some small part of everyone that wants to survive. That small part has a voice... and it speaks out loud and proud the second you decide to follow through with your suicidal intentions.. which weakens you just a bit if not totally, and makes it harder for a successful attempt. Some people are able to still have enough energy left to see it though, but the success rate of a suicide, is very small in comparison to the attempt rate.. and I believe its cuz of that voice. Its a good thing its there, but it frustrating as hell when you really want to end it, I know... trust me, I know. I dont' know how to take that frustartion away and I dont think I want to try... but if you want to talk about whats bothering you.. I'm all ears/eyes...
  3. NotThisLife

    NotThisLife Well-Known Member

    Yeah, that little voice....annoying little bugger isn't it? How many nights did that little guy talk me out of it, or make my attempts half-hearted and thus made sure I lived? Common reason would just tell us it's a biological response to stimuli, our innate need to live surfacing. It is, after all, completely against one's nature to want to die, so our very "nature" is rebelling against us in the form of this little voice.'s a priceless little thing too because it tells you you have something to live for. I've known people who lost that little voice, wandering through life like living wraiths searching for a place to die. You don't want to be like that. Embrace your "fear" of dying because it shows you that you still have something to live for, even though you may not see it.

    I look at it this way, if you really want to die you'll pick up the razor (metaphorically speaking) and do what you do with a razor without a second thought. If there is even the slightest hesitation, it means you have something to live for. And as long as you "don't have the courage" to do it, you owe it to yourself to find whatever it is you have to live for and embrace it. The darkness never fully goes away. Ever. But find enough rays of light to fill your life with and the damn darkness isn't so bad any more
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