Hello I am feeling like ending it all everything is going wrong and it is neverending. I have an autistic son and he is beating me up when he gets annoyed he cannot help it as he is special needs and has a condition that makes him very large for his age also he is screaming and scratching himself. I have to stay home all day and care for him i cannot go out very much because it is really difficult with his temper and disability. His father left me because he couldn't cope with it all and went off with a woman 20 years younger than him. I also have two daughters to look after. Everday i find it hard to get out of bed i dont want antidepressants as i have been on loads before and none of them worked . I have asked social services for help but they just forget me so i am past caring now. People tell me to think of my kids when i tell them i am suicidal but how can i? I just want to leave all this behind but i feel that people will see me as an evil person for killing myself and not looking after my kids but i can't i just cant. I just don't want to be in this horrible evil world anymore it will not change i will be like this forever if i don't do it.