Need a little help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mrbizle, Feb 4, 2011.

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  1. mrbizle

    mrbizle Member

    I am twenty two years old. I have a family that loves me, friends all around me, a good job and a nice car. despite this, i can't think of anything worse than waking up in the morning still able to breathe.

    All my life i have felt like i was just stuck in traffic - happy in the knowledge that i was working toward something that would make me satisfied and content; going through the motions but incredibly happy about it. I have recently however come to the conclusion that i am traffic and will never be anything more. My experiences with people in the last year have made me cynical, jealous and un-trusting, i will not deatail them here as i feel i will be repeating stories told on these forums a thousand time over - my lot is no worse than many and an incredible amount better than some.

    In the space of one year and one horrible woman i have gone from social butterfly to reclusive hermit status. I have always tried to conduct my life in a manner that is respectul and giving yet seem to only suffer for it.

    The only reason i have not had the courage to actually <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> that glares at me from the corner of my garage every morning as i go to work is my family. However i have taken the decision that a lifetime of seeing your child as depressed as i have been could not measure up to a period of grief over a death. I would prefer to be a sharp thorn that everyone can forget in time rather than a constant burden.

    I now would seem to require a better reason not to give up. I realise that life is precious and that so many less fortunate than myself have the courage to go on and would happily trade-lives with me. I suppose i have become selfish as well. I have severely damaged myself on several occasions in attempts to forget about the world - now i need to leave it. I would like to think that my outlook on life is due to depression and that one day this will lift. However i believe that i genuinely do not wish to subsist in a world of greed. I do not wish be see out the rest of my days knowing what some are capable of and the lack of common human ethics and sensibilities that prevail. I know good people do exist, i also know that i am completely unable to identify them, and that often the worst are those that are able to disguise their underlying lack of soul. Is there anything any one could tell me to the contrary?
    After six months of planning and preparation i thought it necessary to seek consultation in a place where others are possibly feeling the same way. I would only ask that someone try to oppose these statements.

    1.Everyones priority is ultimately themselves.

    2.Those who treat others poorly are often happy.

    3 A circle never begins.

    I believe if i were to be convinced that these things were not true then, I may not continue along this suicidal line of enquiry. I am planning to wait until i have seen my younger brother play his first game of rugby and then im out. think ive got a week.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i agree with number one, everyone's priority is themselves. but i would turn it around and say that your priority should be yourself. you are worth fighting for. you can and will feel better, it will just take time, maybe therapy, maybe medication. you sound depressed, and depression can be treated.

    as for mean people being happy, it might seem that way but life will come around and bite them in the ass. i truly believe that. they will get theirs one day.

    and the third point, sorry, don't understand.
  3. mrbizle

    mrbizle Member


    I believe number one forms the crux of my argument.

    number three was really to describe the way in whicheven if i were to break out of this cycle the world would still go round in the same way - im sorry i should have been more descriptive.

    thankyou very much for your time dazzle i very much appreciate it
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think all people have a dark side..Finding those who shine britely isn't easy.. You have got everything going for you and are becoming reclusive..Try joining a therapy group.. It will give you a perspective on how others deal with it..I think therapy one on one would benefit you immencley..Don't give in to those negative thoughts.. There are bad paths to go down and there are good paths..Maybe if you keep talking here we can steer you onto a good one..Take Care!!
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Forget about your plans re your little brothers rugby game. You need a plan but one that entails being around for when he has his first broken shoulder bone! Rugby is a tough game but even a kick to the balls in the scrum is not as painful as losing a women. Well, in an emotional sense (don't try this at home)

    I hear you regarding the way you feel. Don't feel guilty that you cannot enjoy your job and car and money. Given a choice, we'd all sooner be happy and poor than miserable and rich. Having car and being so down you cannot enjoy the drive - that's just depression - your not suffering from some strange malady and its not your fault.

    Obviously the women you had - you had some good times no? And lets face it - IF she had turned out to be a kind hearted women then your outlook changes. Never underestimate the power of love. It can take a sad song and make it better - and that's what you have to do.

    You obviously have depression, if you are being honest with us. I mean to say, sometimes you lose a lover and maybe that throws a dark cloud up over all your life. Its a temporary depression - not some lifelong membership card. On the other hand, if you felt better for being with this women (at first) then whatever blues you have - in part a good women should cure the worse of it.

    You are aged 22 which is very young as it happens. No way should you think that life is over - but seems as you do think that, let me try and explain why its a bad idea to give up now.

    We are what we think - and what we think can be changed.

    Therefore we can change also.

    Part of it might involve changing how you live. I mean your 'groundhog day' work routine - maybe keep the work but you need some leisure. We all need to 'play' a little.

    Best of luck from good old England.
  6. little

    little New Member

    your story sounds all too much the same, the same as mine. i wish i had words of encouragement, but i too am at a point in my life where i cannot gain any ground, but feel like death is my destiny. as lame as that sounds, i never thought, even as a little kid, that i would live through my years.

    want to talk through it?
  7. mrbizle

    mrbizle Member

    i would love to talk through it. I would love for someone to justify life for me. Im running out of time :'(
  8. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Sorry, nope. My priority in life is my children and my best friend. Without them I would be nothing and I would die to protect them. So you see? NOT everyone has the self as an ultimate priority. I would never treat another human being in a way that I would not wish to be treated myself. We all deserve respect.

    Again, not necessarily. My ex husband treated me dreadfully and invented new ways to be cruel on a regular basis. Yet last I heard of him he was so depressed he could barely move and was never sober. So you see? Karma works.

    Nor does it ever end. It is also entirely possible, if one is not happy in the circle we are currently in, to move on to another circle and change the direction in which we move and our point of view.

    You have been treated dreadfully and hurt very badly. Have you ever sought help to deal with that? I accept that you have a dim view of humanity in general right now. I know I did when I left my ex husband. But my best friend pulled me through it. That's why she means the world to me. Not all people will hurt you or don't care.
  9. mrbizle

    mrbizle Member

    Ravenwing you are insightful and inspiring thankyou very much
  10. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    Aristotle once said that our ultimate goal in everything we do in life is to be happy. And he was right. Therefore, our ultimate priority in life IS ourselves, whatever makes us happy.
    Ravenwing posted some good examples, but I have to say that even though she says her ultimate priority in life are her children, the reason for this is that she probably could not live any longer if something ever happened to them, like most parents.
    Therefore, in the end, they are her priority in order to keep her alive and doing well, for without them, she could not be well.
    A lot of the things we do that seem unselfish actually are selfish. We can't help being selfish, though. It's in our nature.
    For instance, a woman in a supermarket drops her bag or keys. and someone else picks it up for her. It seems like an unselfish act of kindness, but
    when you think about the reasons behind it, it's no different than doing something for yourself. The person helped her pick up her belongings to either A) be recognized as a good citizen,
    B) get a thank you from the woman and feel good about themselves, C) have the other people in the store think that they are a good person. Everything we do is for some sort of reward.
    If these rewards were not existent, I don't think that we would do kind acts anymore.

    With your first point, I have to agree.

    With the second one, sometimes they are happy and sometimes they are not. I don't believe in karma, just circumstances and coincidences.

    And the third one, I'm going to take "circle" to mean our world and existence. I do believe that something had to start it, some sort of occurence. I do think that a circle has to have a beginning. I think that everything does. It can't appear out of thin air. There has to be a reason. But that's just my opinion on that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 7, 2011
  11. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Sometimes our priority can be a central value which gives meaning to our life: compassion, love, truth etc...We enter to the service of that value which gives us a reason to fight and to keep going. Values can incarnate themselves in the specific form of love of our children, our spouse, our friends, or simply our fellow men. An happiness is found not so much in the results, but in the process of making those values a reality. It seems that life so far, gave you a lot. Maybe you could find some peace and purpose in giving back.

    I don't think so. The urge to treat others poorly come from such feelings as anger, fear, insecurity, greed, envy. None of those are the hallmarks of happy people.

    If you are circling a roundabout, there are many exits. Just pick one.
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