I am twenty two years old. I have a family that loves me, friends all around me, a good job and a nice car. despite this, i can't think of anything worse than waking up in the morning still able to breathe. All my life i have felt like i was just stuck in traffic - happy in the knowledge that i was working toward something that would make me satisfied and content; going through the motions but incredibly happy about it. I have recently however come to the conclusion that i am traffic and will never be anything more. My experiences with people in the last year have made me cynical, jealous and un-trusting, i will not deatail them here as i feel i will be repeating stories told on these forums a thousand time over - my lot is no worse than many and an incredible amount better than some. In the space of one year and one horrible woman i have gone from social butterfly to reclusive hermit status. I have always tried to conduct my life in a manner that is respectul and giving yet seem to only suffer for it. The only reason i have not had the courage to actually <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> that glares at me from the corner of my garage every morning as i go to work is my family. However i have taken the decision that a lifetime of seeing your child as depressed as i have been could not measure up to a period of grief over a death. I would prefer to be a sharp thorn that everyone can forget in time rather than a constant burden. I now would seem to require a better reason not to give up. I realise that life is precious and that so many less fortunate than myself have the courage to go on and would happily trade-lives with me. I suppose i have become selfish as well. I have severely damaged myself on several occasions in attempts to forget about the world - now i need to leave it. I would like to think that my outlook on life is due to depression and that one day this will lift. However i believe that i genuinely do not wish to subsist in a world of greed. I do not wish be see out the rest of my days knowing what some are capable of and the lack of common human ethics and sensibilities that prevail. I know good people do exist, i also know that i am completely unable to identify them, and that often the worst are those that are able to disguise their underlying lack of soul. Is there anything any one could tell me to the contrary? After six months of planning and preparation i thought it necessary to seek consultation in a place where others are possibly feeling the same way. I would only ask that someone try to oppose these statements. 1.Everyones priority is ultimately themselves. 2.Those who treat others poorly are often happy. 3 A circle never begins. I believe if i were to be convinced that these things were not true then, I may not continue along this suicidal line of enquiry. I am planning to wait until i have seen my younger brother play his first game of rugby and then im out. think ive got a week.