need a reason to live

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by schniffy, Feb 21, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. schniffy

    schniffy Member

    Hello

    I never felt this bad before in my life. I can't take this pain anymore.
    Don't know what else to do.
     
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    coming here was a good start

    tell us what's going on and we'll try to help you get through it
     
  3. schniffy

    schniffy Member

    Hello

    For the last 4 weeks I am having the worst depression I ever had. I am divorced for 2 years now. I can't stop thinking about what my ex has done to me. Feels like I am stuck and I can't get this crap out of my head. I was doing good for awhile but seeing her all the time kills me. I wish I could move away but we have a son together. Maybe it's poorly resolved grief and emotional pain I don't know. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me. I can't sleep and I have zero appetite. I must have lost 10 pound's or more this month. I must get rid of these thought's it's not stopping. Any suggestions ? I need help bad.
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad....
    do you have someone you can talk to?..a councilor maybe?..a doctor?..sounds like you may need some medication to helpyou sleep...
    is there some way you could see your son without seeing your ex...
    my ex would pickup and dropoff the kids at the gate and if there were any problems I would send a note for him... I had to distance myself from him
    there is always someone here who cares to listen...
    I hope you'll keep talking to us...
     
  5. schniffy

    schniffy Member

    Hi

    Thanks for the reply. I am trying to make an appointment maybe taking pills again will help.
    Yes exactly that's the problem seeing her all the time. I need to distance myself but that is not easy. Every weekend our son is playing soccer I have to be there I am one of the coaches. I am freaking out thinking what's gonna happen if she brings her boyfriend to the game ?
    I think I would kill the guy. Even though it's not his fault. And I am very worried she is gonna try to take him away from him. Legally it would be almost impossible for her to do so but my mind is so messed up right now I am still concerned.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    thats good you are trying to help yourself...
    killing the new boyfriend would only make your life even worse....fantasizing is normal but real life not worth the effort......you would never get to see your son again...
    seeing a councelor may help to learn techniques to help you deal with seeing your ex.....
    cognitive behaviour therapy helped me ...
    let us know how you're going...
    ..we're here ...
     
  7. schniffy

    schniffy Member

    Thanks for the reply.
    I know I would never hurt anybody I am not a violent person. I will talk to the shrink about the therapy You mentioned Thanks.
    At least I have a little hope left now. I just need to find a way to forget about what happened to me and move on. It's so difficult. I am stuck thinking about this all day long. These toxic emotions are with me all the time. I don't know how to stop them I am feeling so awful. I need to be alive for my son that is the only time I am feeling better when he is here. I am also starting to have very disturbing nightmares. I want to feel better but how how ????????
     
  8. charmane

    charmane Well-Known Member

    My sister is going through the same thing after a 20 year marriage. She has also been very freaked out that he might take full custody of the kids - even though that is clearly not going to happen. You mentioned you coach a team for your son, that shows that you are a good dad, involved in your child's life. Are you in a custody fight right now? Do you have a good lawyer? If custody is still an issue, it is important you show that you are stable and handling things in a reasonable, rational manner.

    Of course you have all these feelings of loss, sadness and betrayal. You thought you had your life all set, that you knew who you were going to be going on life's journey with and who you would be growing old with. One thing I have learned with my sister's situation is that dealing with divorce is like dealing with a death. The sense of loss, fear and confusion are almost sufforcating. You go through stages just like the grief process - denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and finally acceptance. I don't know if I have these in the right order but I think these are the stages.

    I watched her go through every one of these. At first she was in denial and kept thinking he wouild come back, that they would work it out. Then, she kept pleading with him and promising him all kinds of things if he would come back. She thought if she changed, he would stop his mean behavior. Soon, she became overwhelmingly sad, lots of crying, depression esp. the weekends without the kids. She starting to think that she would forever be alone. Then, she found out who he had been having an affair with and she got so angry. She kept talking to her lawyer and planning how she was going to get a good settlement, take him to the cleaners. That was my favorite stage. Now, she has accepted that the divorce is going to happen. He is ensconsed in another relationship and she doesn't even want him back. She went back to work, she realizes his behavior will prevent him from even getting joint custody and her life is moving forward without him.

    She found out how much strength and courage she has and she has started to rebuild her other relationships with friends and family that she had ignored in this unhealthy marriage. I know that the feelings that you are expressing are very normal. It wouild be great for you to seek out a therapy group for divorced and separated people. Google them on the net for your area. They meet in hospitals, libraries etc. and it would help you so much to have a network of people who are experiencing the same thing. Some of them are already through it and can give the benefit of their experience and wisdom. I know the groups around here are free of charge. It would help you so much to connect and talk about this to other people in your boat. They could help you sort out which thoughts and feelings you have are reasonable and rational and which are just destructive and limiting.

    I would say that you have a lot to live for, you just need a little push to help you see that right now through the pain of your situation. Always think of your child, the legacy of suicide is a burden that he would forever shoulder. I'm sure you will always be his dad, a person he needs around for his life's struggles. Good luck.
     
  9. schniffy

    schniffy Member

    Wow

    That was very nice Thanks a lot.
     
  10. charmane

    charmane Well-Known Member

    Anytime- you just need to hear you are not alone and your feelings are not out of the norm. Write me anytime- I want to know how this all works out - and hug your son for me!

    dyanne
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.