Don't know what to do.. I've completely given up. I mentioned to a friend here last night I was meant to see my social worker today and I felt she was my last hope at getting help, I was going to push her into getting me the treatment I need so badly. But this morning I woke up and just couldn't go, wasn't anxiety or my DID or anything else, I just didn't see the point in even bothering,just more going through the motions. I've stopped kidding myself, theres noone who cares about me, except maybe my little sister, and she's at that age where I'd be forgotten in 6 months except as a name and photo. My dad knows its in my mind to kill myself soon and just dosen't give a damn, and no, I'm not the sort to cry wolf, he knew I meant it when I talked to him about it. Theres truly noone and nothing at all, even I don't give a damn about myself anymore, I'm just empty and hollow inside. My head keeps going back to one thing, couple of weeks I'll have enough money to get far away from here, all that I can think of is if I'm going to put an end to it I don't want anyone I know finding me afterwards, that and I don't want to die in Tassie, I hate this damn place, so many bad memories and so much pain. Truly is ironic.. I wasn't a good person when I was younger and made a lot of mistakes, a lot could be blamed on my illness, but thats a part of who I am, literally. The part where irony comes into play is I tried to make up for those mistakes.. care more for others than myself, help anyone and everyone, now I need help myself and have noone left, all just gave up on me and wandered away during my periods of isolating myself. I feel myself slipping badly this time, I just want to let go, I don't want to be me anymore, so tired of hanging on, taking it day by day, sometimes minute by minute. Miss my old cat so much, times like this it was like she'd know and come curl up with me and things wouldn't be ok, but they'd be bearable, just don't see the point in any of it anymore, I've got nothing and noone to live for. And can anyone tell me whats the point in going on when you have nothng left, serious, give me 1 reason not to just say screw it all.