Need a reason

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Kemra, Feb 11, 2009.

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  1. Kemra

    Kemra Well-Known Member

    Don't know what to do.. I've completely given up. I mentioned to a friend here last night I was meant to see my social worker today and I felt she was my last hope at getting help, I was going to push her into getting me the treatment I need so badly. But this morning I woke up and just couldn't go, wasn't anxiety or my DID or anything else, I just didn't see the point in even bothering,just more going through the motions.

    I've stopped kidding myself, theres noone who cares about me, except maybe my little sister, and she's at that age where I'd be forgotten in 6 months except as a name and photo. My dad knows its in my mind to kill myself soon and just dosen't give a damn, and no, I'm not the sort to cry wolf, he knew I meant it when I talked to him about it. Theres truly noone and nothing at all, even I don't give a damn about myself anymore, I'm just empty and hollow inside. My head keeps going back to one thing, couple of weeks I'll have enough money to get far away from here, all that I can think of is if I'm going to put an end to it I don't want anyone I know finding me afterwards, that and I don't want to die in Tassie, I hate this damn place, so many bad memories and so much pain.

    Truly is ironic.. I wasn't a good person when I was younger and made a lot of mistakes, a lot could be blamed on my illness, but thats a part of who I am, literally. The part where irony comes into play is I tried to make up for those mistakes.. care more for others than myself, help anyone and everyone, now I need help myself and have noone left, all just gave up on me and wandered away during my periods of isolating myself.

    I feel myself slipping badly this time, I just want to let go, I don't want to be me anymore, so tired of hanging on, taking it day by day, sometimes minute by minute. Miss my old cat so much, times like this it was like she'd know and come curl up with me and things wouldn't be ok, but they'd be bearable, just don't see the point in any of it anymore, I've got nothing and noone to live for. And can anyone tell me whats the point in going on when you have nothng left, serious, give me 1 reason not to just say screw it all.
     
  2. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    what are we? Chopped liver? we are all here for you. Behind every forum nickname here is a real life person who is breathing. There are many here who are lonely and feel that no-one cares. Why don't all the lonely forumners here try to organize a get-together in your respective areas / states / countries? why dont you guys take the effort to do it so that you won't be so lonely. Take some pro-active action. Solve your problem.
     
  3. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i care :(
    i saw my social worker today for the first time... you need to reschedule and see yours.. they have access to services that can make your quality of life better. please think about rescheduling and if you cannot do it for you at the mo.. do it for us here cos we do give a shit x

    ps keep nagging them for another pet.. if not a cat then a rabbit or something that you can love and be loved by.. it helps as you know xx
     
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey, i feel SO bad for you hunny :sad: i am lonely tonight too. . . and life seems hard enough - but to always go through it alone, it's much worse.

    however, you do have '''us'''. .. and we are real people. (as someone else posted) and we DO care about you!

    we also understand a lot of what you are going through.

    don't give up - and yes, talk to your social worker. . . pm me if you need to talk. or just vent. i can't offer advice but i am sincere in that i CARE.
    hugs. . . . xxx
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Kemra,
    I too am lonely because I am an isolationist. I have been in my bedroom for fifteen years 24/7. I am afraid of people. I have really bad augoriphobia, socialphobia, paranoia, depression, anxiety, irrational thoughts, and mood swings. You might say I am a basket case. But you know, I get up everyday and tell myself no you won't have me today.
    I agree with the others that you need to reschedule your appointment. You have to try every option there is out there and not give in to those thoughts. When you see your social worker tell her/him that you are suicidal and really need to see a therapist. It takes time to build that bond between you and therapist, but once you do you will feel comfortable to tell all. Then they can build a treatment plan for you. I really hope you keep trying to get the help. Don't give up!!!~Joseph~
     
  6. Kemra

    Kemra Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone.. and I guess I did forget we're real people behind these keyboards for a bit, and it would be nice to say we're all strangers and the caring its false.. but know its not because theres some people I care about here already even though I've never met them face to face and probably never will. So I'm going to call my social worker in the morning and probably a number my old psych nurse gave me.

    I really don't want to, just want to give up so badly but I will, god I wish my head would shut up and leave me alone for just 5 minutes, just 5 minutes of being able to sit in the quiet.
     
  7. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi...i am thinking about you - everyday- yes we are real people and many of us think of you each and every single day.

    we want to keep you here - and if you stay here with us - well, eventually you will find the right combinations of treatments, to get better. to move forward. you deserve this chance, and so you can't give up, ok?
    you can't . you are a shining light in the world - and it would be totally less without you. . . .please hang in. pm, even if you just want to vent. . . .
    love and hugs xxx
     
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