I need a reason not to do it. I have everything i need. Why not? Yes, I have tried to get help. But guess what. If I tell them I'm kidding, they believe me. IE, they don't know me well enough, or care to see that I am serious. I've tried talking to them online, but, what luck, they're not online. I've tried messaging them, but they don't reply. Thus, it wouldn't matter to them, would it? I know things are not going to get better. I know there is no hope. I've even tried reading GMH, and guess what? It just gives me LESS hope because I know that would never happen to me. "A year ago, I posted a farewell note on my blog saying I was planning to kill myself. That night, police called from two whole states away, stopping me until local help arrived. It was one of my online friends that raised the alarm. We live in two different countries. Friendship without borders GMH" None of my 'friends' would do that for me. I could list a million reasons for me to kill myself. Things that are already killing me. I even had a plan, that on my 18th birthday i would go parachuting, and if things didn't get better, i wouldn't open the chute. What did i do? Started a countdown-timer. Because i couldn't wait for that long. Well, i know this post is completely unorganized and doesn't make much sense. But, I just want to see, if one person could give me one tiny little reason to live.