Need a reason

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sweet_Melody, Jun 4, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Sweet_Melody

    Sweet_Melody Member

    I need a reason not to do it. I have everything i need. Why not?
    Yes, I have tried to get help. But guess what. If I tell them I'm kidding, they believe me. IE, they don't know me well enough, or care to see that I am serious.
    I've tried talking to them online, but, what luck, they're not online.
    I've tried messaging them, but they don't reply.
    Thus, it wouldn't matter to them, would it?
    I know things are not going to get better. I know there is no hope. I've even tried reading GMH, and guess what? It just gives me LESS hope because I know that would never happen to me.

    "A year ago, I posted a farewell note on my blog saying I was planning to kill myself.
    That night, police called from two whole states away, stopping me until local help arrived.
    It was one of my online friends that raised the alarm. We live in two different countries.
    Friendship without borders GMH"

    None of my 'friends' would do that for me.

    I could list a million reasons for me to kill myself. Things that are already killing me.

    I even had a plan, that on my 18th birthday i would go parachuting, and if things didn't get better, i wouldn't open the chute.
    What did i do?
    Started a countdown-timer.
    Because i couldn't wait for that long.

    Well, i know this post is completely unorganized and doesn't make much sense.
    But, I just want to see, if one person could give me one tiny little reason to live.
  2. Misfit

    Misfit Member

    I'm not going to offer you some cliche like "You never know what's around the corner" or "Things might be better tomorrow." What I can offer is that I'm in a similar mental state to you and I use this to go out and try new things, go new places etc without fear of the consequences because, when you're ready to die, nothing else really matters.

    Maybe this could be your tiny little reason to live? Carry on with a "**** it, let's see what's out there, let's see what I can try" attitude. Go to an event somewhere, buy yourself things, try something new - if you do this with a "Who cares what happens, anyway, I'm ready to check out" POV then you do these things with no pressure and it keeps you going. This is the way I've been living my life for awhile and it has kept me going. It's nowhere close to being a 'perfect solution' but it's a little reason I can offer to you.

    Take care of yourself too.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Melody, Welcome to the forums..It sounds like you do have a good friend.. For them to take concern about your mental state and call the police to come to your rescue shows they care.. I'm sure when your here for a while you will make friends here also.. We don't judge and are very supportive..If there is anything I can do to help just PM me.. I am on line in the mornings..Please don't harm yourself.. Keep seeing your doctor and let him know how you are feeling..We are here for you..
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.