to not go in the kitchen and slice a fucking artery. i feel like nobody wants me around and i feel like the scum of the earth. i have been so on edge, depressed, and struggling with my bulimia, then tonight my daughter wouldn't stop and i spanked her a little too hard. my fiance said if it happens again he will call dhs on me and get her taken away. i didn't mean to and i didn't bruise her and she is acting fine. but i am freaking out just watching her sleep because my ocd is convincing me if i don't count her breath then she will die. i am so scared and just feel like i hate myself. then i looked on his phone to see if he had read a text i sent him and this girl had been texting calling him baby. i kind of know her and i know she likes him. he always says that he loves me so much and we are so connected and in love, but i am worried now that he really just hates me. none of this probably makes sense, but i'm completely wired and i don't know what to do. i just want everything to stop.