Need advice and need to vent, I'm stuck and confused

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by dpla14, Mar 16, 2014.

  1. dpla14

    dpla14 Member

    So me and my boyfriend have been together 4 months now... we went to high school and college together so we've known each other for awhile but were never really close before we started randomly dating... well he has a history of hard drug abuse and alcohol, he went to rehab about 6 months before he met me and got completely clean from the drugs.... but he still drinks ALOT. He is never drunk but just needs to drink constantly. I myself am no angel , I have a history of depression and anxiety and abused xanax for awhile and still am trying to work on the addiction but whenever I try to confront him about the drinking he gets really defensive and angry. In the first month of our relationship he went out of his way to do everything for me, kept himself busy, treated me like a princess, etc. After about a month we started bickering constantly over stupid things and sometimes have very heated fights. He claims he loves me and wants to marry be (we've talked about it several times) and I bring up that if he is serious about marrying me he needs to work on the alcohol problem because I don't want to marry an alcoholic. I am also a very sexual person and constantly crave him but he has a much lower sex drive and never makes the first move (hardly ever) which makes me feel unattractive (which I know I am) Also... never dealt with this before but he NEVER goes down on me, in 4 months he only has twice and that was in the shower after I pleaded with him to do so. He really liked it when he did it but I hate always having to ask, I'm used to guys in my past just more than eager to please me but he doesn't seem to care. I feel like I make all the first moves and it's frustrating. I told him I'd support him going through withdrawals and he doesn't want to go back to rehab because it's expensive as hell. (His parents know about his history with drugs and alcohol but they don't know he is still drinking as much as he is) Lately all he's been doing is laying around all day , drinking and sleeping. Me and his parents have been on his case about getting a job and each time he says he applies places but then nothing happens. He has money, so that's not the issue but his lack of motivation brings me down and makes me feel uninspired. We spend way too much time together, practically live together right now and we are both always home because I am a freelance artist and he currently does nothing. Although I know he loves me, he talks down to me sometimes (which i've told him I hate) , calls me names when he's heated , and is very jealous. (But I'm the jealous type to so we've fought over that before as well) I really love him and his family and my family loves him as well and I really thought he was the one for awhile, and still want him to be however I feel deep inside that if he doesn't or isn't willing to change then I will have to cut ties. The DILEMA is - my lease ends in a month and i'm supposed to move in with him. I have hardly any money left so i have no where else to go but his place when i move. The plan was for us to both go to Cali in September to start a new life and there are tons more job opportunities for both of us out there - especially me (in the artistic world) I don't know what to do anymore and i've been so lost and down. When he is not here I am extremely lonely and sad and miss him a lot because I hardly have any friends left here where I live (they all ended up moving after college)
    Has anyone else on here dealt with an alcoholic boyfriend/ fiancé? What did you do to get them to get help or change? and did it work?
  2. Cat of Spades

    Cat of Spades Well-Known Member

    I am hesitant to comment on this because the moderators are very strict, I will still give my personal opinion that has been forged through life experience as I believe someone has to tell you what's what.

    You should leave this person immediately ... it is my experience that once someone is trapped in a cycle of addiction, they begin to damage everyone around them , especially their spouses. You are within the firing range of this person's problems and there is nothing you can do to turn him back from his current path, only he can make this decision. For your own mental health, I strongly recommend you walk away.