Need Advice on becoming Emotionless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by loner060, Apr 5, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. loner060

    loner060 Member

    I will keep this short, as I am really in need of some advice.

    I have huge problems with my emotions and suffer from Clinical Depression (diagnosed and on Antidepressants).

    I am extremely sensitive with relationships with other people, getting hurt by other people, and being rejected and broken up with. When I say extremely sensitive, I mean getting broken up with, literally sends me into suicidal depressions, and each time I have gotten worse. Yes I have attempted suicide in the past.

    My whole life I have been completely obsessed with finding a partner and I have been hurt in so many different ways. I got out of another relationship about a month ago, and still my depression is worsening.

    I want to feel completely "numb and emotionless." I don't want to feel pain and rejection anymore, and do not want to feel sad or depressed or angry. I would rather Flatline my life than feel the completed up side of joy and the complete downside of depression. I have read different articles on this subject, and I read that it is possible to 100% completely control your feelings so you wont have to feel this way, and to channel yourself through different outlets..... has anyone done this and been successful?

    This is my ultimate goal.... I need advise, opinions, etc.... Please help me!
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Unless you have a schizoid personality disorder, you can't stop yourself from feeling an emotion. All you do is choose how to handle that emotion.

    I think you might want to just focus on your relationships that are causing you pain, and at some point telling us what it is exactly that's making you want to kill yourself. I doubt anyone's going to disagree with me when I say that what you're asking is impossible without drugs.
  3. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    xD thats some solid advice.
    i agree, you cant just turn your feelings off and on. numbness is no fun either!
  4. loner060

    loner060 Member

    I actually don't know what is wrong with me totally, but I do know that something is not right at all.

    I thrive off of social affection. I am an extremely monogomious person and in my head, the most important thing in my whole entire life, is having a significant other.... I hate that I feel this way, but it's truly how I feel. Could this be some sort of disorder? If so, is it curable.

    My word literally gets turned upsidedown and when a relationship ends, I literally feel like my life has ended, and I have absolutely nothing left to live for, not my friends or family, again I feel horrible saying this, but it's my true emotions. I do love my family and friends, and my mother and best friend are the only reason I havn't killed myself yet.

    A simple answer would be to stay away from relationships completely, because they seem to be very toxic to me, and my ultimate downfall as a person, but it makes me just as depressed thinking that way, because I feel it's my only purpose in life. I know this puts alot of pressure on the other person, and it's not fair at all.

    I don't know if my clinical depression has been misdiagnosed, could I suffer from a personality disorder, or an emotional disorder?

    I never want to feel this way at all, I just wanna be numb.
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    a good psychiatrist will help diagnose you. have you tried that (sorry if that's been already done). could you be borderline? i know people with borderline really struggle with relationships and maintaining healthy boundaries. with borderline there's alot of all or nothing thinking. just wondering...
  6. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    *shrug* The only major pathology related to extreme devastation after a relationship ends is Borderline Personality Disorder, but way more symptoms would have to present themselves for it to be a possibility. BPD is a complicated diagnosis, and very serious. I don't think anyone should suggest that yet.

    Asking us for advice on a diagnosis only goes so far. We're not professionals. We might be familiar with the DSM, but that's it.

    I mean, I think a professional therapist could help you more than anyone else, someone experienced with the problems to which you're referring. Now, I know that's not easy, because most therapists don't know what they're doing, but it might be your best bet.
  7. loner060

    loner060 Member

    I actually have been looking that up on the internet lately... and ALL of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder really do fit me, I am going to see a therapist next Tuesday and see what they think....

    What is the treatment for that?
  8. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It was designed specifically for those who suffer from BPD. It's meant to help you control your emotions, which I suppose is what you want, and to engage in less self-destructive behavior. There's also a focus on Buddhist teachings, particularly the concept of "mindfulness".
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.