Need advice on loved ones SH

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Lorax, Aug 12, 2013.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I have a bad history with cutting. My Ex also had the habit. She would wear a coat everywhere, work, school, home, with me. I knew she was, and was able to stop her eventually, just by expressing the deep pain it brought.

    So do you have a loved one that self harms?
    What has helped curb it? (if they have)

    Mainly, just wondering if anyone else has had other people hurting them selves. And what has helped them get support. It seems like it's becoming common for me.

    2 months blood free!
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    My sister used to self-harm, not sure if she still does, but we never talked about it much. I had told her that she could come to me for anything, and if she ever needed to talk, I would be there. But now she doesn't talk to anyone in the family, she has estranged herself pretty much. I just hope she is doing ok now.
  3. Nekosuki

    Nekosuki Member

    Hey Lorax

    I cut, have done for close to 10 years. People have tried to stop me by telling me how much it hurts them but to be honest this just makes it worse for me. I feel so ashamed of my scars and recent markings but seeing or hearing sympathy just makes the urge worse. I use it primarily to prevent the suicidal urges from getting too much.

    You're right to call it a habit though - at my worst any slight sadness and it would be automatic, sometimes even 3 or 4 times a day. I have tried all the weaning and replacement techniques, the ice cubes, red markers, rubber bands...nothing gets rid of the pressure except to cut though.

    I honestly believe that everyone self harms. Whether it's cutting, smoking, over eating, starving yourself, drinking...all are meant to relieve stress but some are just more acceptable socially. I'm not pro-cutting btw although this does read that way lol. I just think that if you take away someones stress relief when they're not ready then they might do something more permanent. Just be patient with us, we'll stop when we're ready with the support of those that care.

    Very happy you're 2 months blood free! Well done and keep going :)
  4. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I'm honestly sorry about your sister. I know how close i am to my own, so i can only guess knowing how it must feel. Sometimes it's too easy to withdraw from family. But you seem to have done what you could.
  5. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I have cut about 3 years my self. Started out of curiosity really. You shouldn't feel shame for it. Sometimes it's the fastest way to stop suicide from taking your mind over.

    Not that i recommend it, it's only temporary. But really, there's no reason to be shamed for keeping your self alive. I think it's beyond a habit. It seems like a coping skill, though not a great one.

    I used to do it when ever i had mood swings. Or stress about anything. I never used alt methods like ice/ect. It wasn't on my mind in the heat of the moment.

    We all have bad habits. Like you said, some smoke, some eat (or don't). Socially, most people don't seem to quite understand. In my experience, they tend to get mad that you have scars. Or blame them selves.

    Personally i would never hold it over someone. Having been there my self. It's understandable to need the stress relief, but maybe there's a way to help loved ones find new ones? Or just offer love/patience, not criticism.

    Thank you, i have no idea how i stopped. But i will try to keep it blood free. Hope something here may help you.
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i'm a cutter too, have been since a very young age.

    i do it.. well, for many of the reasons you all said- stress release, a distraction from actual suicidal thoughts, and a way to feel pain without actually killing myself

    the only thing that helped me for a brief time was the butterfly project idea, but it didon't last long... as soon as i killed the butterfly so to speak, i was back at it
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I know of someone who I remember discussing their actions with. What wasn't helping her at the time was the circumstances she was in, nor the place she was living in. Through encouragement - there was a suggestion she moved away from that particular area - and within the first week she'd gone from daily beforehand, to once on the following weekend. (This dates back to Jan-Feb 2008 and before).

    All it really took, was the constant level of support that she wasn't as bad as she was making herself out to be (heck, she even got a job in a place I had formerly worked in), and the knowledge that even though we have our disagreements at times, I will always be (to her), an influential figure in helping her find her feet life-wise. She was 15 when I first knew of her, 17 by the time she moved down to my town, and through all her efforts (and my support), she even ended up becoming a parent herself which was something she didn't expect.

    So I know I have it in me - if the person themselves is willing to put the same level of commitment in to helping themselves - to work with them and "clean them up" so to speak.

    I never anticipated ever reading something along these lines, but I fully agree with this. *shakes hand*
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