Need Advice on people's behavior of why do people tell you about them and not you

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by yous, Dec 23, 2013.

  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    At the beginning of a so called possible relationship(who knows really)....Why would someone tell you about their day and not ask about yours or ask when to see you again?

    I met a guy once, we seem to hit it off. He texts me 4 days later to tell me he finally has time to go fishing. I was hoping for more of him asking to see me, or when will we get together again or to even ask if I would be interested in going fishing!

    I replied with a "great!"

    After 6 days, I wanted to see if we will ever see each other and so texted him asking how he was.
    He gave me this slew of how he was busy this weekend but asked if we could see each other the next weekend. I took this ask him asking me out. Perhaps I was wrong.
    I replied "sure" and he replied "great, let's talk soon". No date and time set.

    The next few days he would just short text me info about how busy he's been and finally he's got time off to relax, but not asking about me or how I've been or when we will see each other again. The word 'busy' is kinda uneasy for me. I mean if he's so busy why tell me?

    Why do people tell you about their day? What kind of reaction or response are they expecting from me?? Did they want me to get jealous? Did they want me to not forget about them? Did they want me to initiate? This is ridiculous especially coming from someone I just met.

    Please tell me your thoughts.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I do not know. There could be many reasons. I personally would see it as him being unavailable. Either literlaly or emotionally. I personally would work to not be emotionally invested in this guy. But that's just whatI personally would feel.
  3. krazor

    krazor Active Member

    He could just be fishing for your interest.
    You should have said something like great ive never been fishing before and seen what the outcome was. He may be thinking the same way as you or just be really shy of asking you out.
    Your reply of "great" was a conversation ender he could of taken it as you wernt interested so backed off.
    Him telling you hes busy could probably be to spark conversation. Your reply could of been something sensible like "what sort of stuff have you been upto? " Or something fun like "all work and no play when are you free next :) "

    take the lead and see what happens if it goes nowhere you havent really lost anything. :)
  4. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I was fishing for him to ask me out so then we can discuss all the things that he's been doing while we are away. I don't normally talk via text message to anyone. I find it distracting and rather strange especially when you just can't pick up the phone and do it or meet. Also I was told to follow the guy's lead. He should be the one initiating, and asking a girl out. Any otherwise and he is just not that interested. Am I right?

    I feel he never asks me questions. I don't see why I should be asking. It sounds one-sided doesn't it? I have taken the lead with many guys in the past and it never worked out for me. From what I took from him text messaging me, is that he wanted me to keep in the loop with him, so he can be open to other options. If his date doesn't work out on the weekend, he'll text message me up to see if I'm free.

    I hate the game play, but I guess I see what your saying. I can definitely try to start some conversation, but usually people don't end in questions. They just end in statements and like I said before I'm not good and conversations/followups via text message.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I think it's annoying when people are vague and skirt around the issue instead of just being upfront about things. If he's interested, he needs to act like it instead of playing games. Maybe it's just me, but that kind of stuff annoys me, since I'm usually pretty blunt. Maybe take up your concerns with him, and see how he feels about everything. If he cares about you, then he'll be open and honest about things.
  6. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Very true Witty_Sarcasm. I hate when people play games. It really shows their lack of confidence in entering a relationship or even wanting to. I find it mean. I mean if you have no interest in a person why keep them hanging just for someone better to come along.
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    In all fairness- while completely and sincerely understanding your frustration, this confusion is compounded by all involved parties. Everybody is trying to keep from going out on a limb and saying somethong thta could be taken the wrong way and to make sure they do not commit to asking and being told no. After several days or a week or two of this , both parties are frustrated and losing interest in more. He was vague and non- committal - and you admit you were fishing for him to ask you and hoping he would take hint- it is very possible he wanted the same and was fishing for you to set the date.

    Just and opinion and based on many years of dealing with others- life is short - it is not worth wasting days or weeks of frustration to try to avoid a "no" - you feel just as bad or worse when spending days hinting and fishing for invites whether it is a date or just to do something with friends. If you want to to do something , take the lead and ask. If they say no the only thing you have saved is a week or two of second guessing and putting yourself through the grinder over what they might be thinking. In this instance - if you are still interested in seeing if worth going out simply text and say I would like ot go out again but you seem busy - if you have a time available and want to go out let me know so i can set it aside from you and so I do not bother you if you do not want to. Fishing and hinting is a recipe for miscommunications - if he does not reply or replies and says no thanks then thank yourself for having the reason to delete his number and not having to try to decide if you should text him again and saving all that frustration.
  8. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Firstly, to me... guys are just humans too.. they get scared, shy, uneasy etc just like we do... so I honestly don't prescribe to the thought that only guys can show interest and if they do not its because there is no hope for a relationship between you two. That being said... it doesn't mean to push your way onto someone either... you can test the waters so to speak, try to spark interest... and if nothing shows up, then time to look elsewhere. Second, to me, this guy sounds a bit self-absorbed.... if he's ONLY talking about him and NEVER asking about you... thats what i get from it and i would be turned off just by that in itself. Next, telling someone about your day is a way of sharing with that person, trying to involve them a bit in your life even if they aren't there to experience it as it happened... so its a way of showing care, but it should always be done alongside of trying to show interest in the other person's life as well by asking questions and etc. Honestly, I don't know... I'd probably just outright ask this guy if he wants anything to do with me... and then if he expresses an interest AND you still are interested in him, let him know that you need a bit more attention than what he's been giving you.
  9. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, so much time has come between us. It's almost 2 weeks since we first met. And we can make an excuse that it is "Christmas". Also I asked him out the first time. I initiated. I thought the least he could do is step up the 2nd time. I do find it quite weird to "report" that he supposedly has found time to do things and he was busy, but those feel like reg flags to me if you have to volunteeringly tell me what you are up to. I didn't ask. And he uses the word, "busy". I can try to give it a go and ask him out a second time but I'm afraid I'll be starting a trend he'll get used to. He'll expect me to keep asking him out, never to do it in return. How would I know if he even likes me? I also think if we are going to play this game of ping pong then I can't imagine what a relationship must be like with him.
    Plus, yes, he hasn't said he missed me or wanted to see me, or even asked how I was. It's just reporting that he was busy and now has some free time to do what he needs catching up with. I find it weird.

    It is such a shame. I really liked him. We hit it off so well. And for the first time, I was hoping I could go somewhere with this guy after years of failure or rejection.