Need Advice on Recontacting someone again

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by yous, Aug 19, 2012.

  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    So I have never really gotten over a person whom I've known for quite a while but they dumped me. I haven't spoken to them or contacted/seen them in almost a 8 months. Is it worth trying to see what's up with them? I know they probably moved on by now. But I really missed them. Wish i was still at least in contact. The person made it perfectly clear at the time, they needed to move on, but I still haven't of course. Should I take a shot to see what's up, or will I just be burned again, you think?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun if this person made it clear that they would be moving on the let it go hun Time for you to move in a different direction to one that will bring you a connection with care and compassion hun Time for you to move on to ok hugs
  3. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Ok. I haven't been able to move on. I don't know how.
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    If you were to get back in touch, the best thing you could probably hope for is friendship. I had something similar in 2008, and all I managed was to get friendship from that person.

    What is stopping you from moving on?
  5. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    When feelings are so one sided, it's rare that time will change anything. Speaking from experience and if it were me, I would let sleeping dogs lay. Even though you say you haven't moved on, the person you knew then is probably not going to be the same person now. If they have any feelings or thoughts for you, they would get in touch with you.
  6. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I am unable to move on because I haven't been able to find anyone else. Believe me I've tried so hard. But nobody was as it was before. I gave people a chance. It's just so hard to find friendship/love/acceptance/relationship. You may find it only once in your life, and I guess this time was it.

    How do all of you move on??
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I fully appreciate the difficulty in all 4 aspects you have mentioned. I can count my friends on one hand, and I'm often a social outcast. However I will not let others stop me from being who I want to be, and sometimes we have to accept things won't be the same before we can look at pastures new. Everyone is different, and will have found different ways - something that works for one doesn't necessarily work for all.

    I moved on because I had little option but to.If I hadn't, I would probably have not experienced what I have. Good or bad. And that's no way to really appreciate life for what it can be.
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I let someone go a while back that I was very much in love with... long story, but I was basically forced to make a choice, and I made the wrong one. I thought it was the right one at the time, but it wasn't.

    Realized after a year went by that I still loved her. Got back in contact with her. Told her I was sorry, that letting her go was a mistake... blah blah blah. She had waited for me for months, but was over me by the time I did contact her again. I asked her if we could be friends... she agreed. But the thing is, I secretly wanted to be more than friends, and she at this point secretly wanted to be less than friends. I think I only complicated things further by contacting her again. She eventually stopped talking to me, and that was the end of it. I don't know what's happened to her since.

    The lesson: you can't go backwards. Only forwards. You have to move on.

    How did I move on? Truth be told, I haven't. I still think about her almost every day. But I've accepted that she's gone, and that's that. There's nothing I can do about it. Do I hope that somebody eventually fills the hole that was left in my heart after she was gone from my life? Of course. But there's nothing I can do about that either. Some things in life are beyond our control. Yes, it's an awful feeling. But that's life for you. A series of awful feelings occasionally interrupted by slightly less than awful feelings, followed by even more awful feelings.

    I sure as hell hope that's not something you only find once in life. For now, I'm going to tell myself that I still have a chance to be happy with someone else.
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know how hard it is to move on... I know all too well. But I think it's the best thing you can do. If you try to get back in touch, you're opening yourself up to getting hurt again by that same person.
  10. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. These were really good responses. I find heartbreak probably one of THE saddest things a normal person can go through. It's at least the hardest to let go. I do have no other choice, but to do so, but it's so hard to fill that hole. The hole is really huge and can't seem to ever close. I've tried all I could going out to find someone, but it seems you only find that one person once in a life time. I'm afraid of being single for the rest of my life and never really ever finding someone for me. I'm already 38. You think that is too late to find anyone?