Hi everyone, I have just joined this site. Cannot believe it has come to this. I don't know where to start, how much information to share or how this all works. But right now I need some advice please. Without putting anything in context as yet, I have been attending therapy since Oct 2010, feel it is helping but just not fast enough, so yesterday I went back to my doctor and asked for anti-depressants which have been sitting on the table in front of me since 4.30pm this afternoon. I cannot make a decision to take the first one - I know pride comes before a fall, but I'm not ok with not being able to handle how I'm feeling without resorting to medication. As embarassed as I am to be writing this, I have been actively suicidal for over 12 months and have gone from the developed plan, to catching myself on and coming back from the edge. I am well fed up with feeling like this. Two friends are aware of how things are for me - but I need input from elsewhere. To be frank, I have checked up online tonight if it is possible to overdose on the meds successfully, seems not. Then I try to put logic to my thoughts and realise I WILL still be here tomorrow. But this is hard and I'm tired of the struggle, feeling lonely and that noone cares about me like I need them to. I am a 32 year old professional working in the caring profession with a successful career and to the outside world I come across as a competent and confident person. All of this is true from 9-5pm. After that I am a wreck. Anyone who feels they can spare time to respond, I would be most grateful.