So here I am. I decided that I should at least try to talk to other people and share my story with those who are going through simmilar experiences. I attend therapy and have great friends- but sharing my thoughts of suicide with them would only work to make me feel even more so enclined to end me existence. I am too afraid to speak to anyone or a health professional because the last thing I need is to end up in a mental health facility under suicide watch. Firstly, I want to say that I do not have an outlook that this is a 'cruel world' or feel that outside things are the reasons for my thoughts. The more I think about suicide over the last 3 years , the more rational and the more at peace I feel when I think about it, which is what scares me to the point that I must share this with someone. basically, I had a rough last 2 years. I made a stupid mistake and was unable to forgive myself over it. I'm moving on, but now I am left with the fact that I haven't taken care of myself and my plans at all over this time period. I am in alot of debt and just learned my car insurance has been cut off. Now I am stuck with a car in my friend's house, where I am living, with no way of moving it home an hour away. This was the last straw in my thought patterns. I am almost 25, and I have no education, no worldy possesions of any reasonable value. All of my friends and family have moved on with their lives and began life as adults. I am stuck in my adolesnce, unsure of who I am and what I am doing here. I can function very well at my job and in society and amongst friends/family, but on the inside I feel as if my life is a complete ruin. I wanted to be done university by now, but instead I am living in debt to my parents and everyone else imaginable, I am ashamed and feel like a noone. I came to accept that even my religion could not help me. I had considered conversion to Judaism for many years, but now have realized this will never happen. The reminders are everywhere. I am a failure, and I have accepted that. My friends are all of a higher middle class background and flourishing, my family, though my nuclear one is of humble factory working background, are all well respected and my extended family are all intellegent, hardworking and educated. I just feel no pride in myself anymore, and I don't feel it is even possible at this point to regain it. I have let my parents , friends and myself down.