Need help and ideas please

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by na-taya, Apr 11, 2016.

  1. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    So my dad rang me today i screened the call. I know i shouldn't be a horrible daughter but I can't help it. Let's just say he did things that no man should do anyone let alone to a child.

    But he just sent me a text. Saying he wants to visit and the end of the month (he lives over the other side of australia) he has visited me once here and I did not let him come or see my home I meet him out at public places.
    I only seen him two days and not even whole days but now i cant visit those places without thinking of him. I already get set off by things that remind me of him and I don't want anymore

    So I need to figgure out a plan as to why i won't be able to have this vist or why I'll be busy. The thing is i won't be busy i had to stop uni until next semester so i can't use I'll be busy with that. I don't work so that's out. I can't say I'm on a holiday i have no money and I don't even drive to say I'm on a local get away.

    So I need ideas as to why i can't do this and I can't think of any so if anybody has some ideas PLEASE share them with me

    Sorry in advance.
     
  2. The Nut Low

    The Nut Low Active Member

    Perhaps just be honest with him. You can decline to see him while still being respectful as a daughter about it.
     
  3. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Say you are ill.
     
  4. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I feel for you....my own father is emotionally abusive that was as damaging to me as sexual abuse I experienced at the hands of my grandfather. I am fortunate that my grandfather is dead -- I never had to see him again but with my dad I had to opt out of a relationship and it was tough BUT it is also freeing. Does he acknowledge what he did to you? Have you ever discussed it with him or it is an unspoken secret? If you two have talked about it as least once with him admitting it even slightly, would lead me to decline simply by saying "remember those things you did...anytime you come around, I cannot help but think of that so I do not want to see you" BUT if you have a family dynamic that does not provide that opportunity for honesty without fear then claim ANYTHING to not see him....tell him you are already going out of town that week, that you already have guests staying with you and no room/time to see him, that you picked up a second job and are cramming in extra hours...whatever you need to say to not have to see him.

    You are not "a horrible daughter" for screening calls or refusing to see him...you are a survivor and have a right to not be triggered and re-victimized. Hugs to you---I hope you can find a way through this. As uncomfortable as not having a relationship with my dad can be..it is much better than the emotional pain and anxiety I developed when I had to be around him. YOU know what you need and YOU deserve to have it.
     
    Northern likes this.
  5. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Tell him you will be with a therapist trying to get over your traumas from your childhood.
     
    Khvde likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sent you a PM sweetie. You are such a lovely person and do not need this crap in your life. For what its worth I think you are an amazing person with a huge heart. I am sorry for all you have been through, you deserve so much better ((hugs)) I will always be here for you.
     
  7. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I'm to scared to be honest with him.he knows nothing of how much i have suffered since my teen's really. I use to have to see him twice a yr till i was 18 and he never picked up in my battles because I never aT him to see me struggle. Thank you so much for your input and time


    @Khvde he knows about me being be physically sick at the moment I'm not sure that would be enough to stop it. Plus i don't know if he plans to come over even if he can't see me or his whole reason for the visit is to see me.

    @sofie i am so sorry you had to go through such horrible situations as well you did not deserve them at all. My dad and me have never talked about it and maybe one day we will when im a bit stronger. I'm to scared to break the family apart with the truth and to scared of what will come from those that believe him over me. Maybe one day I will be strong enough to do this without having to much of a set back but I am already fragile as it is.

    @Northern ohh if only my dad knows nothing of my mental health really. He knew I use to self harm in high school but not to what extent he dosnt even know I have had therapist or even been in hospital i plan to keep it that way i don't want him involved in it. Hrs already done enough damage as it is.

    @Petal thanks so much for taking the time out for me yet again!!! And of course saying such lovley words about me I appreciate everything you do not only for me but for other as well.

    Thanks all for taking the time to respond to this message.

    My plan this far is say I'm going away with my friend and her daughter so that i can babysit while my friend attends a funeral and not sure how long we will be away for. I have to come up with some place he won't want to visit or drive to in his hire car.....my dad has endless amounts of money so I have to be smart about this. I am hoping the trip was just to see me in a way and not a holiday as well because if I'm busy it means he might not come at all!!!