Need help, can't get help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nobody man, Jan 1, 2011.

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  1. nobody man

    nobody man Well-Known Member

    I can't get help. My fucked up brain won't allow it. I actually told this one person I trust about how I feel and it felt great but... where did she go? I haven't heard from here in over a month. She could be ignoring me (though she's not really like that) or her phone could be broke (maybe) and I even showed up at her work a couple times but she wasn't there (I felt really creepy doing that but I'm desperate). Everything is just building up and I need to release it but I have no one to turn to.

    My options:
    1) Keep posting here. I like to post here but I only like it when I'm posting. The second I leave this site I don't feel it anymore, and my access to a computer is very limited at this time.

    2) Tell another friend. I could only possibly trust one other friend with this and he would NEVER understand the way I feel. It might even cause a rift between us... Can't do it.

    3) Call a hotline. Been there, done that. It really doesn't do much for me. The feelings return in a couple hours... Waste of time for me.

    4) Go to the emergency room. I just... can't do it...My parents can't find out... They'll be so disappointed in me, and even worse, think they were bad parents. To top it all off this means they'll end up paying for my medication and therapy (I certainly couldn't pay). We're going through a rough patch financially... I can't burden them like that...

    Number 4 is clearly the best option but I MUCH rather die than do that... Sure, they'll be so much more disappointed with me and think they were much worse parents if I kill myself, plus the funeral costs, but I won't be around for that. The only thing holding me back is I can't decide where to kill myself, and my urge to talk to my friend one more time... I'll get over those problems soon enough... I just don't know what to do...
  2. Junesong

    Junesong Member

    Hi, I'm really sorry the person you trusted let you down - not everybody is going to be like that. It's great that you find release posting here but as you have already said, it doesn't last forever.

    You're going to need to put yourself first on this one. If you can, try and find a local support group. It'll be a little scary at first but you'll find people who, like yourself, need help and support that can't be provided by certain friends and family (through no fault of their own, some people just aren't set for these problems).

    Failing that you really need the help from your parents, these things can build up quicker than we expect and they'd feel much better helping you than finding out there has been a problem when it's too late. You will find many ways of repaying them in the future when you are feeling better about yourself.

    Please keep posting here, it's definitely good that it helps. Hopefully you find a way to get support from people who care! :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur parents will be more disappointed more devastated if you are not here HOw do youthink they will feel then They will have more guilt more intense pain then you will ever have. Go get HELP now talk to your gp get on meds get therapy but do it Don't leave it until it get worse time to act is now. YOur parents will want to support you t hey will want you healthy and happy so talk to them and work together on getting you better.
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