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Need help in making a decision

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ferret, Feb 17, 2010.

  1. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    I've known this girl for 6 years or so and we've been really great friends. She's helped me through some rough times in life, but couldn't help me when I was contemplating suicide. Before I told her this, we were supposed to have some time apart from each other, because we had a fight. The fight was my fault because I had a huge crush on her, and thought she was making excuses as to why we couldn't hang out. Anyway, I was supposed to give her space, but I didn't, because I just felt frustrated with my life and she was the only one I could trust to talk to. I kept sending her email trying to get her to talk to me, but one night I really lost it and told her I wanted to end my life. She called the cops, and after searching for me for quite a while they brought me to the hospital in handcuffs. My friend hasn't talked to me since.

    I've recently called her parents to apologize for my behavior that night. They understood what I went through and were glad I was getting better. I haven't tried to talk to their daughter yet and I'm not sure if I should. It's been 8 months since that incident happened, and during that time she made no inquiries into how I was doing. I don't know how much she cares anymore. She still talks to my other friends but she doesn't ask them about me. I really want this friendship to work again because she meant a lot to me in the first place. There's just something special about the two of us being friends and that makes me really happy. Should I try to fix this friendship that we've had for a long time, or should I just move on from this. I don't know if I can forgive her about the whole cop incident. Should I? Is it perfectly normal for someone to call the cops on a friend when they don't know what else to do? All these questions are running through my mind and I don't know what to think or do anymore. I'm not sure if I should even trust her anymore. I wish I knew how much our friendship means to her. Considering we haven't talked in a very long time, I'm not so sure anymore. I'd love to have her back in my life, to try to be the close friends we once were. But I've been hurt by all this, extremely hurt. Is it worth forgiving?
  2. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Well, a normal person upon hearing that someone is suicidal, likely would call the cops or call someone to obtain help for the person. It would depend on many things. One cannot expect others to be able to cope with or handle someone who is suicidal. Most ppl don't have experience with it. Friends often have no clue what to do and it's scary. Some don't have the ability to even listen or offer a friendly ear. I would say calling the police is one of many possible normal responses.

    Forgiveness? That's up to you. Many folks would likely think a thank you is more in order. Thank you for caring enough about me to do what you felt was in my best interest. Not that it was best, but the person was doing what they felt was best. She may have felt it to be an emergency. For you it may have been uncomfortable, perhaps humiliating, but when one makes a public statement about suicide or homicide, they must accept the consequences that could come from making public their thoughts/feelings/plans. I don't think she was out to get you or hurt you. Had she ignored you, seems that too would be wrong. If she was not capable of helping you herself, what options are left? Suicide seriously scares many ppl.

    What i have learned over the years is when someone asks for space, to make sure they are ok, then immediately back off after letting them know to feel free to connect if they need or desire too. It is out of respect.

    Perhaps she doesn't know how to approach you. There could be many reasons for this. Also, i have seen many times where friendships and relationships are harmed or even destroyed when one side mentions or even hints at suicide. Many ppl are simply not equipped to handle it.


    Remember that trust is a two way street. She may be wondering if she can trust you. Can she trust you not to exit on her? To check out? I don't think you can force the friendship. Have you tried writing to her and telling her how you feel? Likely if you come across as angry because she contacted the cops, she may not take that too well...perhaps she was doing what she felt was in your best interest. Also, if you come across as not trusting her, again she may back away. The relationship may be salvageable, why don't you figure out how you feel about things, then write her or approach her? First you may want to really think things through...about the trust and forgiveness. Kind of look at things in perspective and perhaps from her vantage point as well?

    It might help to talk this through with a few ppl and then do some writing. Figure out the best approach.

    <<HUGS>> Good luck with this.
  3. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Nothing was done wrong on her part. She called the cops in all likelihood because she felt that your life was in jeopardy. Rather than have you fend for yourself, she got you help.

    Unless you've learned from this, do not try to make amends. When someone asks for space, you have to respect their wishes. She may ask for the same request again should you two resume communication. Are you willing to do that?

    From my perspective, this is just too much for her to bear, and has nothing to do with her being insensitive or not caring about you. My advice is to live your life, and allow her to initiate here on out.