Need help please, in losing my mind

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Discombobulated, Jul 24, 2015.

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  1. Discombobulated

    Discombobulated New Member

    Hello, I will try to keep this as short as possible. It's a long hard story to tell, but I've got to gain some sort of perspective on my situation.

    So it goes likes this.. I met the most wonderful women in the world 7 years ago while playing an MMO. When I met her she was always so sad and wasn't my type (she's over 6 foot tall and around 300ish lbs, while I'm 5'8 and 125 lbs) I had also never dated anyone online prior to her.

    Well after a few months of us being friends and taking all day every day I started falling for her. By this time she had already laid she loved me and wanted to get together, so we hooked up. Shortly afterwards she starts telling me the reasons she's always so sad.

    Her reasons scared me, she told me her husband ran off with her best friend, and shortly thereafter her mother took her two boys because she wasn't providing a good enough life for them. So she starts crying and says she is scared to tell me but she has herpes from when she was rapped as a little girl.

    Then I made the biggest mistake of my life, I told her this was all a lot to take in and to give me some time to process it all. Well she started screaming that she can't lose me too, hung up and took 30 sleeping pills.

    So I tried calling non stop for around an hour to no avail, come to find out she really did it. Two days later I get a call from her in the mental hospital basically on her death bed sobbing.

    Apparently her mother and sister came to visit her. Except the visits was more of a torture. Her mother told her how big a piece of trash she was and that she never wanted to hear from her again, as did her sister. She then served her with papers to sign her children over.

    So when she got out she had no where to go and no one there for her. Well.. I manned up and explained how I felt about her and made her promise she'd never do anything like that to me again, I also took responsibility for my part in it (even tho I did nothing wrong) And told her I'd never give up on her. If she wanted she had a place with me.

    So she ended up moving across the country to be with me. But first she made me promise I'd never beat,cheat, or throw her away like garbage. Which i promised, at that point she was my world. I was doing everything I could to make her life right.

    Well once she got here she was always sad still and cutting herself, so I wanted to be done.. But stuck by her side having to deal with her issues all day and night every day. From cutting to long nights of telling her we'd get her boys and her family would come back around. I was her unmovable rock.

    So after five years of playing superman she asks if we can stop wearing condoms because she wants a baby. She then breaks down and cries for an hour how if I do this for her there's a chance I'll get herpes and she wouldn't wish that embarrassment or pain on anyone let alone me. But if I did it for her she'd always be here for me anyways and take care of it. So ofc I say yes under the circumstances.

    Well now I have it and come to find out she can't even have more kids. The dr on her second pregnancy was a horror story. But that's not the issue.

    The issues is her mother got married and realized she wants a life now, not just taking care of kids 24/7. So she tells my ex that she needs to come home and help with her brothers (my exes mother makes her sons call her sister now) or she's never going to see them again.

    Needless to say she left, now positive, broken and completely alone. The women won't even speak to me as friends. I don't understand.. I was there when had nothing. No one has ever been loyal to her or loved her so much let alone all the sacrifice. How can she just walk away and leave me like this? She knows I'm hurting she just doesn't seem to care.

    Any advice would be truly appreciated as I'm going out of my mind, that would be ok I guess.. But I lost all my friends from seven years of being with a jealous women who wouldn't let me go out without making a fuss.

    I just want to curl up in a ball and die.
  2. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    Hi, I feel it too. I've been discarded in similar circumstances a few times and it still amazes me how utterly abrupt people can be. Don't feel bad for giving to someone ever! Life and relationships are complicated enough and for me personally I just gave up thinking too hard about it. A month ago I lost who I considered the love of my life, She threw me away in around 30 seconds after spending years together. It's a horrible way to be treated. On reflection she was not the right girl for me and I see it as a lucky escape...At least thats what I am convincing myself. I dunno, Love is a two way door and if it's opening one way frequently maybe its time to rethink whether the relationship was right in the first place. I can't really offer good advice on this as all of my relationships fail miserably and all my ex's hate me.
  3. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    I feel like women in reality don't go for guys who bend over backwards for them. They treat men like that as disposable. They might claim that's not the case, but in the real world that's what happens when you put women first. Its true of us guys too, when its like we're being cared for so much were practically worshiped, it diminishes my view of the girl.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2015
  4. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    I agree, There has to be balance with everything.
  5. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Some women, so getting used to being treated like garbage, that they sort of need it in a relationship.
    It explains why some women cry about guys been a-Holes and then date those A-Holes....
    While nice guys, ending up been single and all alone

    I went through hell with women in my life, ended up scaling that nothing worth the frustration and the pain!
    Now i am still single and alone, and lonely, but every time i meet a nice girl, i just fall back, and at the end of the day, my heart is not broken!

    So yeah better ill be single and lonely then to sacrifice myself for some women
  6. whydoes

    whydoes Member

    I am feeling very sad and alone, today. I am thinking about suicide. For some reason, your story made me feel better. I don't know why. But maybe you can feel better because maybe you helped save my life.

    I am also very sorry that you had to go through all of that. I can relate. I feel like I let people walk all over me all the time, and somehow I wind up as "the bad guy". I know that they will never change. I can only change myself!
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